the secrets in our hearts
by PadfootsMarshmallowArmy
Summary: When Sirius, Remus, James and Peter all meet in Hogwarts they weren't expecting there life's to be turned upside down by this newly founded friendship. With love, betrayal and a hell of a fight ahead of them will the marauders be torn apart? SBRL slash. Marauders era - final battle.
1. Chapter 1 New Friends

**Hello everyone okay so first of all I'm not J. K. Rowling unfortunately I never will be so there for I don't own harry potter however many times I dream I do I don't. So now that's over with I just want to send out a couple of warnings. **

**1. This is a Sirius x Remus slash so don't like don't read. **

**2. I am dyslexic so the spelling and grammar may not be great but I have tried my hardest so please don't send me any hate just constructive criticism would be appreciated and praise if you would like to tell me you like my fan fiction that would also be appreciated ****! **

**So yeah thank you and I hope you enjoy it this chapter isn't great and very short but I have already written eight chapters so I can promise you they do get much better and longer but I can't promise how frequently they will be uploaded. **

**I want to say a big thank you to hpandthemaraudersrock for putting up with me and spell checking all my work after I had I couldn't do this without you! Love you so much you truly are my best friend and sister! **

**Chapter 1 ****New Friends**

"Don't forget to talk to professor Dumbledore about... the next three weeks" Mrs Lupin said hugging her son tight "I love you" she whispered.

"I love you to mum" he breathed back and then kissing his mother on the cheek again and climbed onto the train and promising his mother that he would write before turning around and occupying the only empty compartment.

"Now remember, I gave you the cloak and the practical joke kit so you can do all I've taught you and unless you want us both to be grounded don't tell mum". James laughed at how true what his dad had just said was then hugged his him and climbed onto the train finding the first free compartment he could.

"Make sure your in Slytherin, you have the Black family reputation to keep up especially being are heir" Mr. Black told his son.

"Make us proud for once" his mother spat.

"Yes mother yes father" Sirius said climbing on the train without a second look.

"Do you mind" Sirius and James both said at the same time as they turned to each other and laughed. "I'm James potter" he said shaking Remus' hand.

"Remus Lupin" he replied quietly.

"Sirius Black" the young very handsome boy said taking the out stretched hand form James. "Black as in..." James gasped.

"The mental death eater full family of evil lunatics? Yep that's the one"; Sirius said sarcastically roiling his eyes as he took the seat across from Remus and next to James. "Nearly everyone in my family have been Slytherin but it would be cool to be the first ever Gryffindor but that can't happen, what about you?" Sirius smiled at the others.

"I'm Gryffindor just like my dad" James grinned as they both stared at Remus

"I don't know what the houses are" the small boy said as quietly as possible looking at his feet.

"If you don't mind me asking are you muggle born?" Sirius asked quickly adding "I mean I have nothing against it unlike my family; I was just wondering."

"It's ok" Remus smiled "I'm half and half, mums a muggle dads a wizard but he walked out on us when I was three so I've just been brought up as a muggle" he said looking down at his shoes again but the aquardness was taken away when Sirius bought them all a chocolate frog each.

By the end of the train ride Remus knew nearly everything to know about Hogwarts even how to get into the kitchens, what James had learnt from his dad. Before they knew it they were outside the great hall waiting for the sorting take place.

"Oi Sirius" they heard a male voice shout as a group of tall third year Slytherin's walked up to him a very tall handsome boy with long blond hair leading the way holding the hand of a very small girl with the signature Black family black hair but hers also had blond streaks in it. To the side of her was a girl who looked just like her but her hair had no blond and was uncontrollably curly yet still looked beautiful but her eyes seemed to show she was evil and twisted in unexplainable ways. She was holding the hand of a very tall dark heard man with slightly tanned skin.

"Oh god here comes the lunatics I'm forced to have as a family" Sirius sighed. Both girls where wearing unbelievably short skirts and low cut shirts but being blacks they could where what they wanted.

"Aww baby cousin" the dark heard girl shouted in a voice used to talk to babies or kittens as she ran towards Sirius and hugging him. "If you don't get put in Slytherin you can say hello to a life of hell" she whispered in his ear with a crazy grin on her face. Remus noticed the fear that struck in Sirius' eyes but didn't want to say anything since he had only known the boy for a matter of hours.

"It's nice to see you too and your fiancé Rudolf how are you doing?" Sirius said with a sly smile seaming to have pushed the fear back down out of sight.

"I told you not to call me that you stupid little brat" the tall tanned boy snapped.

"Now now Rodolphus play nice" the other blond boy said.

"And of course Lucy and you have also got engaged to my dear other cousin as well haven't you how are you Cissy?"

"I'm good thank you Sirius but I would appreciate it if you would call my fiancée Lucius instead of Lucy and also you know Bella is the only one who calls me Cissy you really must stop with theses nicknames you are the Black heir after all you will need to stop calling people by pet names and give them proper names when carrying out the Black business" she said surprisingly nicely, her golden blond streaks catching the light every time her head moved.

"Of course Narcissa thank you; it was lovely to see you all again but we really should go and be sorted into our houses now I'll see you in the common room maybe?"

Bellatrix pulled him into another hug "If you're not in Slytherin don't think your parents won't find out and your life will be even worse than it already is" she whispered again with that maddening grin.

Next thing they knew they were all in Gryffindor sharing a dorm with a new friend they had made called Peter and Remus was happier than he had ever been and found he was very good at everything except potions. James and Sirius where naturally very good at everything and where top of the class in everything just behind Remus but the very top of the class was miss Lilly Evens who James had decided he was going to marry one day. Remus found himself having lots of help with potions from James and Sirius as in return he helped them with everything else as they may have been just as smart but Remus was the only one who bothered to take notes in lesson. They all had a great first week back at Hogwarts but the only person who didn't seem happy was Sirius. It was their first Saturday morning of Hogwarts and the boys woke up to the sunlight streaming through the windows. "Sirius, do you want to go flying I bet your great on a broom?" James said trying to get back the boy who he had so much in common with on the train.

"Yeah maybe some other time" Sirius sighed getting up to get ready for a long day of sitting on his bed doing whatever he does in the room alone like the rest of the week that they weren't in classes.

"I wonder why he seems so down I bet he isn't actually like that he seemed great on the train we had so many prank ideas" James said as they all sat on the grass outside.

"It was probably just an act because he's a Black" Peter suggested.

"No I don't think so I think he's just shocked he said on the train he wanted to be in Gryffindor but couldn't be maybe he is just scared about what his parents will say" Remus suggested. By the time they got back he seemed to be happy again. Remus spotted a letter on his dressing table and guessed it was because of that and they all had a great night until a dark owl came flying through the window dropping a red envelope on Sirius' lap and flying straight out again. "Shit" Sirius said before running out of the room and down to the now dark and deserted grounds. He managed to reach the lake before the letter exploded and he was too busy to realise that James and Remus had followed him leaving Peter in the dorm. "What is that thing?" Remus asked.

"A howler I guess his parents don't like him being in Gryffindor" James replied.

_**SIRIUS ORION BLACK HOW DARE YOU BE PUT INTO GRYFFINDOR IT IS ABSOLUTELY OUTRAGES WHO NEEDS COURAGE WHEN YOU COULD HAVE THE POWER OF SLYTHERIN. WHAT MADE THAT STUPID LITTLE HAT EVEN THINK YOU COULD POSSIBLY BE IN GRYFFINDOR WE WILL BE COMING TO HOGWARTS TO DISCUSS YOUR MOVING OF HOUSES WITH DUMBLEDORE BUT UNTIL THEN DON'T GET TOO COMFORTABLE. WE DON'T WISH YOU TO COME HOME AT THE HOLIDAYS BUT YOU MUST AT CHRISTMAS WHERE YOU CAN HOPEFULLY SET A BETTER EXAMPLE FOR YOUR BROTHER. I'M SO DISAPPOINTED. WHEN YOU COME HOME YOU WILL BE PUNISHED.**_

Sirius didn't cry he just stood there blank expression and stared at the paper on the floor wishing his fate could of been easier.

Sirius went home for Christmas and came back in a terrible mood and then didn't go home and at any chance he got. By the end of the year they were known by the whole school as the marauders the pranksters of Hogwarts you could ask any one and you would get the answers that's James potter the leader of the marauders even though he doesn't like to see himself that way then there's Sirius black the heir to the Black family tree business and fortune he is the womaniser of Hogwarts then there is Remus Lupin he is the quiet one who even though he won't admit it he is the brains behind all of the pranks and finally Peter Pettigrew he can eat for England. But what they didn't know was that two of the marauders had secretes of their own.

**So I hope everyone enjoyed that and please let me know what you think I promise it will get better and I will have chapter two up soon. **

**Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2 The Secrets Begin

**I don't know why this didn't space properly the first time it should this time though. **

**So I would like to dedicate this chapter to bonniebonbon hankyou so so much for reviewing and for making me feel better when I was down**

**this one is a bit longer and I think it is better. it is also mysterious and stuff that you won't get the answer to until the marauders 5th or 6th year **

**all the usual stuff I'm not J. K. Rowling never will be **

**warning slash lardy dardy darrrrr **

**so yeah enjoy **

**Chapter 2****The Secrets Begin **

Before they knew it, it was there second year. Through the holidays they had spent nearly every day at diagonally or staying the night at James or Peters. "James" Peter said "have you noticed that we never went to Sirius or Remus' house but it was always them two who planned the trips too diagonally or that quidich game we went to"?

"yeah" James replied "I guess Sirius didn't want us at his because well he hates his family and Remus might of been worries because his mums a muggle and we are all from pure blood families so it would be very different for us and maybe that would of been acquired for him" James shrugged and carried on unpacking his trunk as Sirius and Remus walked in.

"Right guys I have things to tell you so it's time for the first ever marauders meeting" James announced proudly "one I forgot to show you something amazing last year what is going to be great to use for pranks my dad gave it to me it's been in my family for years. This is my invisibility clock and also I was talking to my dad over the summer and he gave me an list of instructions on how to make an marauders map, a map of Hogwarts where you can see exactly where everyone is and when they move" James said as quickly as he could.

"Awesome" Sirius grinned wile Remus and Peter looked so exited it was unreal. And before they knew it, it was Christmas.

Sirius James Remus and Peter where all sat on the train on their way to Hogwarts. "So how was your Christmas?" Remus asked everyone

"Great" James and Peter chimed together

"Sirius what about you?"

"Hummm what" Sirius said suddenly looking up as he woke up from his daydream.

"I asked you how your Christmas was... are you okay." Remus asked worried

"Yeah I'm fine- hay is that the food trolley I'll go get some stuff my treat" he said quickly running out of the compartment and down the hall of the train in search of the trolley.

"Well that was odd" James pointed out as they whet back to their past convocation on quidich.

Before they knew it they were off the train and back in there common room. "Hay Evens have a good Christmas?" James chimed in his usual flirtatious way.

"Yes thank you" she replied sitting in the armchair across from him in the Gryffindor common room trying to be civil so she could talk to Remus as they where good friends. "So how was your Christmas?" she asked everyone else as they all told her how good it was "Sirius what about you?"

"Hummm what" Sirius said suddenly looking up as he woke up from his daydream again.

"Lilly asked you how your Christmas was... are you _sure_ you're okay?" Remus asked worried

"Yeah I'm fine" Sirius sighed.

"So how was your Christmas?" Lilly repeated.

"Is that the time I need to talk to McGonagall about that thing" he said picking up his bag and rushing out of the common room and headed for the astronomy tower.

"Hay" the young boy who looked as if he could be Sirius' twin said.

"God Reg I can't do it everyone asking how my Christmas was with that roiling over and over again in my head I just can't" Sirius sobbed into his brothers arms

"Its fine after a week or so it will be gone and everything will be back to normal" he promised looking into his brothers deep gray eyes with his dark brown ones that resembled both their mothers and their fathers.

The next year went like a flash before they knew it they were in third year and Remus was amazed that he had kept his secret for so long which is why he found himself in Dumbledore office "Remus have any of your friends worked out that you are an werewolf yet?"

"No" Remus said happily.

"Good good and how are the transformations going?" he asked.

"There okay I guess I duno it's hard to know or even talk about without accidently letting the wolf in".

"And that scares you?" Dumbledore asked with that gleam in his eye.

"I guess yeah" Remus said looking down.

"Mr. Lupin some point when you start your O. you will be doing Bogart's in defence against the dark arts and for it I will take you out of the lesson and teach you it myself so no one sees your fear of the wolf" Dumbledore smiled kindly "there is one more thing" he added quickly "in return I would like you to see professor McGonagall every Wednesday at 6 O'clock after classes for a consoling session but don't think of it like that its more someone you can talk to over tea".

"Okay thank you professor" Remus said smiling as he went to eat the great hall and not at all to his surprise he was the first one there as his lazy friends where still probably upstairs asleep.

"Hay James" Sirius said from his shower cubical in the bathroom.

"Yeah" James replied with a mouth full of toothpaste.

"Don't you find it weird how every month Remus goes home with weird excuses like one of his relatives is I'll or one has just come home from like china for the week and he hasn't seen them in years or something like that?" Sirius asked.

"What I find weird is you both get changed in your shower cubicles when me and Peter are fine getting changed in our room" James said wile Sirius roiled his eyes. "okay I guess I see where your coming from it is a bit strange why don't we ask him tonight he told me tonight that he's going home as something's happened with his aunt you could ask what's happened because he said he wouldn't tell me because she's an aura" James said "any way again why do you get changed in there?" James asked.

"Why you worried your missing seeing something good?" Sirius said walking out of the cubicle and checking his hair in the mirror before going to see Remus downstairs.

"What's that?" Sirius asked puzzled watching Remus as he packed his bags. "I mean that I always watch you get it out of your draw whenever you're going home but I've never worked out what it is?" Sirius asked watching Remus take a small blue bag out of his draw and put it in his red bag pack with some cloths and toiletries.

"It's nothing" Remus said trying to keep himself calm and the wolf in.

"So Remus why you going home" Peter asked.

"My aunt got hurt on a mission."

"Wow what happened?" Sirius asked as Remus picked up a glass of water to take a drink.

"I can't tell anyone" he said his grip increasing on the glass of water.

"Why not Remus it's almost like you're hiding something?" James asked.

"I JUST CAN'T OKAY" Remus shouted the glass smashing in his fist.

"Remus are you okay?" James asked.

"Of course I'm fine why wouldn't I be?" Remus snapped.

"Your hand's bleeding."

"Oh" Remus said looking at his hand "its fine I'll just go to madam Pompfree before I leave" Remus said walking out the room without another word.

"Hay look Remus left the map, he normally takes it so we don't get up to any trouble while he's away" James said looking at the peace of parchment left on Remus' bed.

"Pass it hear I wana make sure he goes to madam Pompfree before he leaves" Sirius said holding out his hand for James to pass him it. "That's strange hay look at this Remus is going towards the womping willow and then just disappeared" Sirius said confused

"Maybe he aparated?" Peter asked

"No you can't inside Hogwarts or until your seventeen" Sirius replied.

"Wait guys it's a full moon and he always leaves on a full moon and the womping willow was put in the year we started hear what if it was to protect the students what if it's to cover up a secret passage way like the others all over Hogwarts?" James grinned.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked.

"Don't you get it?" James replied "ever since the womping willow was put in there have been roomers about that shack in hogsmeet it's said every full moon a widowed ghost howls for her long lost love what if it's not a ghost what if it's Remus?"

"Remus is a widow searching for his long lost love?" Peter said with a look of realisation on his face as James slapped his forehead.

"What if Remus is a werewolf" Sirius whispers "no he would of told me he would have told us."

Peter looked terrified "but if he's a werewolf then he's dangers" Peter mumbled

"no Remus is are friend and your forgetting who my family is I've met lodes of werewolf's even though my family hate them there are some secret ones very high up in the ministry any way a load of the stuff we learn about them is a lode of bull it's not true at all only the parts about being dangers through transformations any way just because of this are we going to ignore him now? no we aren't we will go to the hospital wing tomorrow and confront him as my guesses are that's where he will be" Sirius said not letting ever of the other boys argue before pulling out a chess board and a box of sweets from hunnydukes for him and James played chess.

"Hay Remus" Sirius smiled as he sat on the chair next to the hospital bed. "Sirius James what are you doing here?" "We know you're a werewolf." "Oh I guess I'll be going home then" he shrugged "I just want you to know I've never hurt anyone and just wanted to thank you two for everything. "Remus what do you mean we aren't bothered I mean Sirius is a bit pissed off but that's just because his family lies to him all the time and was a bit upset that you lied as well but he will get over it; we don't care if you're a werewolf your still are friend" James said smiling "Remus why are you crying" Sirius asked sitting on the bed. "I just never thought anyone would ever accept me I mean my own dad and granddad hate me" he whispered as Sirius put his arms around him. "Wait... where's Peter?" "He blew up the potions classroom by adding pig's liver instead of goat's liver into a Shrinking Solution" "Merlin how didn't everyone end up in hear" he laughed. "So Remus I have a question" James said. "Okay shoot." "So does being a werewolf give you like cool power type thinks." "Umm no" Remus laughed "last time I checked I couldn't turn invisible and shoot lazars out of my eyes or fly without magic." "No I mean like I've been told werewolf's in their human form have the wolfs senses like apart from sight so like great hearing and great strength?" "Okay the hearing I use but I have to let the wolf in a little bit but the strength only happens if I'm really angry and accidently let my guard down or something like last night with the glass" Remus smiled. They talked all night until they fell asleep in the middle of the hospital word.

"Guys I had an idea" Sirius said running into their dorm while Remus was in the library "I did some research and, hay don't look at me like that yes I do research don't look so surprised it's not like I'm Peter, any way if we become animagi we can be there for Remus through his transformations as the wolf shouldn't attack its friends or mate in animagus form also something we don't get taught it wouldn't attack its mate if its mate was in a human form and the wolf wasn't" "Awesome" James and Peter chimed although Peter looked a bit thrown back and hurt at Sirius' comment "Well come on then girls what you waiting for, let's get started trying to work out how the hell to do this" James laughed. "Yeah let's not tell Remus yet until it's too late or he works it out" Sirius said while the other two nodded in agreement.

In under a week they had worked out how to make their tails. "Well I'm a dog" Sirius said turning around then bursting out laughing. "Right so you're a worm?" "No I'm a rat" Peter said with a little pride." "Mate that's no better" James said. "Come on then Jim let us see yours." "Something must of gone wrong I don't have one" James said blushing twiddling his thumbs. "YES YOU DO" Sirius shouted pointing at James "you twiddled your thumbs you do that when you're lying let's see!" he said tackling James to the floor then collapsing with uncontrollable laughter. "Wait is that a fluffy little tail James mate YOUR A BUNNY." "What the hell is all this noise for?" Remus said walking in and dropping his books on the floor with a loud bang that got the attention of the three tailed boys. "You aren't meant to be back yet" Sirius said like someone whose wife had just walked in on him having an affair. "Is this what goes on when I'm not around?" Remus sniggered then fell over with uncontrollable laughter. "Right so... Peter you're a rat Sirius is a dog and James a stag" Remus said still laughing but picking up his books. "James is a what?" Peter said as they all looked at Remus blankly. "A stag" he said as they still looked at him blankly. "We thought he was a bunny" Sirius said confused "No... Look James turn around... you see a bunny's tail is round and white and usually resembles a cotton ball when James' is round but goes into a point and is brown on the edges like a stag." "So what's a stag?" James said wiggling his bum at the three other boys. "It's a male dear." "James is a rain dear..." Sirius said bursting into uncontrollable laughter once again. "No look hears all your qualities that determine your animagus forms Peter will be that he likes to be small and to stay out of the way, like a rat. James is a very proud person, like a stag. And Sirius is loyal, like a dog" Remus smiled. Now Remus had found out he helped them with spells and to come up with their new nicknames moony- Remus, worm tail- Peter, padfoot-Sirius and prongs- James.

**hope you enjoyed it please review**


	3. Chapter 3 Hell on Earth

**Ok so I know this one is very overdue and I wanted to get it out to you for Easter but that cinda failed. **

**So I would like to dedicate this chapter to Loulou98 thank you for favouriteing my story and I hope you had a great birthday **

**this one isnt that long and gives you a bit more of an insight to the real Sirius. **

**all the usual stuff I'm not J. K. Rowling never will be and this contains slashy stuff even though there hasn't actualy been any slash yet don't think lardy dardy darr **

**so yeah enjoy ^_^ **

**Chapter 3 Hell on Earth**

The fore marauders had just started school after the October half term holidays. James and Peter had gone home but Sirius and Remus hadn't gone home as there was a full moon and Sirius said they couldn't all leave Remus through that at least one had to stay but now they were all back and sat in the great hall eating lunch on a Saturday well everyone but Sirius who was currently in his room. "Hey you guys must of thought it was really weird how I never invited you over or anything in the holidays like you two did or how I get changed in the shower cubicle" Remus said looking a bit sad.

"It's okay" James smiled with a face full of lasagne.

"It's not your fault you where worried we would find out but we now understand and also how you must hate your scars and want no one else to see them" James said as Remus smiled thankfully.

"Yeah but what we find weird is how padfoot does all of those things with no excuse" Peter mumbled as they all hummed in agreement.

Remus blinked "where is padfoot any way he's been upstairs for like thirty minutes?"

_**Thirty minutes ago. **_

"So how was your half term at home?" Sirius asked sat on the edge of the astronomy tower.

"It was okay mum and dad weren't around much guess they didn't have you to torture so they couldn't be bothered to see me even though they reminded me so much how I'm the one they love and am proud of and how they wish I was born first ect ect ect" Regules said not realising how true what he said was.

"Why weren't you put in Gryffindor, you're a good guy?" Sirius asked looking at his brother with a lopsided smile.

"I told the hat that I wanted to be where I could protect you best" he said returning the lopsided smiled. "I guess it thought that was the best place I could because then maybe mum and dad wouldn't accuse me like they do you" he said walking over to Sirius and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder "come home this Christmas I know how much you usually hate it I mean when you where six mum burnt all your presents and we live in a house of lunatics why wouldn't you hate it but come home do the speech and we will go in the den and decorate a minnie tree together and give each other are gifts there and it will be like a real Christmas and there is no holiday so it will be better than last year... please Sirius just think about it " he begged.

"I would but I already wrote to mum saying I won't do the speech at the party and I'll be staying here for Christmas I'm sorry I'll think about changing my mind the small Christmas you described sounds nice" Sirius smiled receiving a big hug from his brother.

"I love you"

"I love you to bro" Sirius whispered back to his younger brother who refused to leave is arms. "Oh and hears directions to the kitchen and secret passages and the lot so you can get around easier its hard in your first year I know but you are so mature but I guess we have to be we are Blacks"

"I best get going before we get court I have my Slytherin reputation to uphold" Sirius smiled at his brother before they both hugged again before parting ways and heading into the great hall pretending that they hate each other again.

"Were where you it's been half an hour" Remus asked budging up so Sirius could sit next to him.

"just up stairs sorting through some stuff" Sirius said as casually as he could picking up a slice of garlic bread and munching on it.

"Weird time for mail isn't it?" James said as a dark brown owl flew into the great hall.

"Crap" Sirius said looking down noticing the owl straight away and only looking up when it dropped a blood red letter on his plate and flew away.

"ooooooo look everyone Black's got himself a howler" Malfoy shouted walking past him and sitting down at his table next to Regules who sat staring at him with sympathetic eyes. Sirius picked up the letter and ran as fast as he could out of the hall and headed for the lake.

"Hey Remus" James said worried "do you think you can use your fury little hearing powers to make sure he's okay and tell us what its saying" he asked as Remus nodded in agreement.

Sirius yelped at the pain as the letter suddenly blew up in his hands leaving the whole of his palms burnt and his ears rang with his mothers booming voice_** 'SIRIUS ORION BLACK HOW DARE YOU REFUSE TO COME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS I AM APSALUTLY OUTRAGED THAT THE heir TO THE BLACK LINE CANT EVEN BE BOTHERED TO DO THE heirs SPEACH AT THE CHRISTMAS PARTY. TRUST ME I WOULD MUCH PREFER HAVING REGULES DO THE SPEACH BUT YOUR FATHER SAYS IT HAS TO BE YOU UNTIL WE DISOWN YOU AT LEAST. I DON'T CAIR ABOUT STAYING AT SCHOOL FOR YOUR FILTHY MOODBLOOD, HALF BLOOD AND BLOOD TRATORS OF GRYFINDOOR FRIENDS SIRIUS ORIAN BLACK YOU ARE NO SON OF MINE' **_

Remus stopped listening at that point deciding that what he had heard was enough.

_**'if you do not come back for christmas I will go up to Hogwarts and drag you by your hair I promise you when you get back you will be spending ten times more time in that dudgeon then usual mark my words your life will be hell' **_

Sirius wiped the tears from his eyes and started hitting the closest tree he saw but then whimpered in pain as he smacked it with an open palm then just stood and stared at his red, oozing, burnt hands and decided while everyone was still in lunch to go heal his hands as he had brought some potions with him what would heel them in the same time as madam Pompfree would but he didn't feel like explaining it to her. At the same time James and Remus ran straight up stairs to find Sirius wile Peter was in a detention for blowing up the potions lab again. They heard a somehow soft, yelp of pain as they walked into the room looking for Sirius and then decided to check the bathroom and sure enough there he was pulling blood stained paper off of his almost skinless hands and shockingly pouring potions over them and rapping them in bandages. Sirius was taken by surprise as Remus took his hands and started bandaging them for him. "I'm guessing your hear because you heard with your fury little powers" Sirius said still looking at his hands.

"Yeah" James whispered.

"How much did you hear?" Sirius swallowed.

"Just up to the part where she said you're no son of mine" Remus whispered as Sirius let out a huge sigh of relief "thank god" he muttered under his breath.

"Why what else did she say" James and Remus asked both worried for their friend and wondering why he wasn't telling them who whole truth.

"Nothing important it's just that... nothing important" he smiled and walked into the bedroom and sat on his bed.

"So why didn't you go to madam Pompfree then if it's nothing important why didn't you let her heel your burns what I'm guessing came from the letter exploding in your palms and how did you know what potions to use also why did you have them with you in the first place?" Remus asked curiously.

"No reason" Sirius said "I just didn't want to have to explain everything and don't really want to now but I'm guessing I'm going to have to so I had them just in case okay just in case" he said trying to remain calm then walked out of the dorm and out of the common room and then ran to the astronomy tower debating whether he should throw himself off of it. Sirius pulled a small red bag similar to Remus' blue one out of his pocket and wondered if he kept similar things in it but really hoped he didn't. He locked the door to the tower so no one could find him unless they flew up there (which he could imagine James doing) and opened up the bag to reveal a box of fags and a small pocket knife. He lit a fag with his wand and took a long drag. Next he picked up the pocket knife and began to release his fear and pain the only way he knew how. Sirius lifted the bandages that where already on his hands over his wrists so no one would see or suspect anything and then put out his fag and unlocked the door leaving to join his friends in the common room not realising that he had missed dinner and hadn't eaten all day. This was quite rare for Sirius Black. He often tore open any part of his body he could that's why he wouldn't let anyone see him getting changed he had scars on his hips arms legs you name it he had scars there. He thought about this as he walked realising this is how he knew how Remus felt about his scars. It wasn't odd for Sirius to smoke he often did when he had an argument or an encounter with his parents but the odd thing was for him to miss all of his meals. This didn't bother him if he had his own way Sirius wouldn't eat at all he hated too; his parents always told him how fat and ugly he was (even though he wasn't at all he was the best looking guy in Hogwarts everyone knew he had all the girls and even some guys falling at his feet) but he believed them because this was all part of the mental abuse what no one knew about not even Sirius himself.

**Well that's it for now I hope you have all enjoyed and pleaseeeee review with a nice little comment and I hope everyone who is back at school is enjoying the new term I know I'm not (sarcasms intended) stress exams stress the usual stuff but on the upside because of that expect more fan fic yayyyyy :P **

**till next time x**


	4. Chapter 4 Uncovering Secrets

**okay, okay I know don't kill me it's been ages I know it's not my fault! Well it is but it is partly hpandthemaraudersrocks fault as well! this one is dedicated to Shadowhunting-Mischief** ** for favouriteign and to littleoldmeeeee for talking to me for soooo long I really ****Appreciate**** it and as always to everyone who has reviewed **

**all the usual stuff I'm not J. K. Rowling never will be and this contains slashy stuff even though there hasn't actually been any slash yet don't think lardy dardy darr **

**this one officially has wolfstar so don't like don't read XD**

**so yeah enjoy ^_^**

**Chapter 4  
Uncovering Secrets  
**  
"Black" a small first year Slytherin said nervously looking up to Sirius tucking his long sandy hair neatly behind his ears "a letter for you" he said shaking this time.

"Thank you" Sirius smiled laughing at how scared he was. His beautiful gray eyes widened when he realised the letter was from his brother Regules.

"Who's the letter from?" James asked nosily

"Duno" Sirius said putting a hand through his perfect long black locks and opening the letter "it's from sluggy about some potion we are doing next week probably another ambush to get me in the slug club I better go see what it's all about" Sirius said quickly before picking something up out of his draw and shoving it in his pocket then rushing out of the room and running up to the astronomy tower. James knew Sirius too well and knew he had been lying to him for ages and kept running off somewhere and was determined to find out where so he picked up the map to find out where he was going.

"I'll be back soon" he said quickly running off to the astronomy tower realising that was where Sirius was going. "whys he going there its snog central unless he's in a relationship but he would of told me and it doesn't explain the letter unless it was from a dirty little Slytherin then it would explain everything" James thought while running after his friend. "Of course they lock the door" James mumbled trying to open the door realising they had used an extremely complex locking curse so he pressed his ear against the door to listen.

"Sirius can I tell you something" Regules said as soon as Sirius had come through the door.

"Sure" Sirius said a bit worried at what his brother would come out with.

"I think" Regules started "I think I'm gay" he laughed.

Sirius held out his arms for his brother to come hug him. "aww look at us the two gay Blacks wow with are family that's wrong in so many way" Sirius laughed as his brother smiled still in his arms.

"_Gay_" James thought shocked "why did he never tell me" he said deciding to kill Sirius later.

"It's Snape... I like Snape" Regules finally said.

"I'll die down the pranks if you want, I thought he liked Lily?"

"He does, he told me last night he will always love her but if I can live with that he also loves me to" Regules smiled blushing.

"Awwww... what pounces we are" Sirius laughed.

"How's it going with him, I mean have you told him yet?" Regules asked quietly not wanting to hurt his brother. Sirius moved his arm from around his brother's shoulders, stood up and started pacing.

"It's hard I mean like... he's my best friend if I just come out with it- I would lose him forever and I just can't do that" Sirius sighed.

"Oh my god oh my god... Sirius is in love with me what do I so he can be in love with me I mean like I love him but like a brother ohhhhh what do I dooooo; oh shit Regules is coming." James whispered franticly as he ran and hid. He watched him walk down the corridor before walking onto the astronomy tower to find his best friend fiddling with a bag. "What are you doing" James said walking in.

"Shit I thought I had locked the door, god I'm guessing you heard everything then" Sirius sighed

"Pretty much I mean I love you to but as a brother I mean you could of just told me I would of understood it won't change anything between us" James sad putting a hand on and rubbing Sirius' arm.

"Umm James what are you talking about", Sirius said scooting away a bit, "wait you nob you didn't hear it all."

_**1 minute ago while James was freaking out**_

"You should tell him Remus has a right to know" Regules said softly.

"I know but he has so much going on he doesn't need to know I love him making everything worse any way how did you get so wise" Sirius said lifting an eyebrow.

"Must just be my natural brilliance any way I better get going its nearly past curfew" Regules said giving his brother one last hug and walking out of the room.

_**Back to James being a nob**_

"Oh so you're in love with Remus" James said.

"Don't need to look so disappointed mate" Sirius said a bit worried.

"No it's just... it doesn't matter its silly" James said standing up to show he wanted them to leave.

"If it's something bothering you then it's not silly" Sirius said firmly.

"It's just... I thought I was your best friend" James said sadly.

"You idiot you're not my best friend", Sirius exclaimed, "your my brother" he said softly pulling James into a tight hug "come on lets go before people start to think the same as you did" Sirius said sticking out his tong.

"Race yah" James grinned running out of the tower and down the steps before they both reached the common room.

It was the middle of November and the snow had settled around Hogwarts and James and Remus where literally dragging Sirius outside so they could go to hogsmeet "I don't want tooo" Sirius wind.

"But hogsmeet looks so pretty this time of the year with all the snow" Remus pointed out.

"Yeah and we can go to the shrieking shack and hide under the cloak and throw snowballs at people they will be scared shitless and since the ghost will be there anyway" James said looking at Remus as Remus shoved him into a pile of snow.

"Snows a bloody death trap" Sirius muttered. They were having fun even Sirius had to admit it he had forgotten about all of his fears as they entered Hogwarts again after buying 10 bottles of butter beer from the hogs head. Regules was walking outside trying to look for Sirius to talk to him to ask if they could meet somewhere different as going up the stairs to the astronomy tower was a death trap this time of year. He found Sirius Remus and James making a snowman while Peter went inside to warm up so Regules approached them.

"Oi Sirius I've got a bone to pick with you" Regules shouted in front of him

"oh give it up Reg they know we don't hate each other James decided to follow me to the tower once and then Remus just worked it out as his brains too big for his boots the only one who doesn't know is Peter" Sirius explained.

"Oh okay then well can I talk to you about something" he asked quietly

"yeah sure" Sirius said.

"NOW" they suddenly heard from out of nowhere as snowballs went flying at them; Regules and Sirius suddenly whipped out there wands and flew curses in the 2 first years direction and hitting them both and storming inside without a second word.

"OI BLACK" Sirius and Regules turned around thinking the school was meant to be deserted because of the snow, and saw a fuming red head walking angrily towards them.

"What do you want Evans" Regules spat not thinking twice about hiding his anger towards her.

"Did I just see you two curse a couple of first years I mean I expected this from you you're a Slytherin and a Black" she scoffed pointing to Regules then switching her deadly glare to Sirius "but you your meant to be a Gryffindor Black or not" she said standing her ground.

"You know what Evans, one Gryffindor means bravery not fucking happy and forgiving and never judgemental that's Hufflepuff and before you say anything no I not saying anything against you being muggle born frankly I don't give a shit but what I do give a shit about is you being a fucking little hypocrite, aren't you though because whenever James pulls a prank on Snivalus you hex us but when we curse to little fuckers of a first year you get up on us so now tell me what is the difference; there isn't one is there so you need to get off of your fucking high horse and take you knickers out of your tight little arse and get a piece of reality because if it wasn't for James I would fucking curse you into oblivion right now and for a second thing he is a first year so it doesn't really matter that much and what the fuck do you mean by and a Black we aren't all fucking death eaters you know so why don't you run back to your precious little library and read a book on how to not be a fucking little perfect princess" he said getting cut off by a very angry professor McGonagall.

"Could you three please follow me" she said coldly as they all follower her to her office. "Right Miss Evans please leave the telling off to the teachers, prefects and head of houses 5 points from Gryffindor, now Mr. Black," she said as they both looked up at her, "both of you know you can't just go and hex a first year for a small prank even if you are a first year yourself 50 points from Slytherin and Gryffindor and Sirius that was very insensitive what you said to Miss Evans I would like you to apologies and that is also another 20 points from Gryffindor."

"I'm sorry Lily it's just well... can I talk to you about it in the common room later?" he said holding out his hand for her to shake; as she took it and nodded she was dismissed.

"Right what made you two hex them first years I know it goes deeper than being angry at a prank" she said worried. Sometimes Sirius hated how clever she was. Sirius and Regules scampered out of the room as fast as they could without telling McGonagall anything.

"Have you decided if your coming for Christmas yet" Regules asked as they walked to the astronomy tower.

"There's only so long you can say no to mum" Sirius answered.

"So she told you, you were coming" he laughed.

"Yeah pretty much."

Sirius found Lily sat on the sofa by the fire waiting for him "Lily I wanted to tell you I really am sorry I didn't mean anything I said it's just I'm so stressed out at the moment having to go home for the holidays and I know it's not an excuse but yeah I hope you can forgive me" Sirius said quickly.

"It's fine I was being a hypocrite but why are you so stressed out about going home?"

"Like you said I'm a Black... I have to do the Christmas speech what consists of are fight to help Voldemort in his making of a cleaner world without mudblood and half-blood scum and how we are so filthy rich and god I hate it my family all come over and work colleges and customers of my dad and it's just my house being mull of more lunatics then normal. The only people who I like there are Regules who can do nothing wrong at home and if he does I get the blame once he broke a vase right in front of my mother's eyes and she went up stairs and dragged me down and asked me why I broke her vase," he laughed, "And then there is my uncle Alphard who is just like a dad to me and we will just sit in the corner drinking fire whiskey then we will disappear up stairs for me to give him his Christmas present and him to give me mine then he will look through the stuff in my room at all of my work I hide from my parents then he will have to leave as we realise we have been up there for two hours then I get punished for the whole of the holidays for buying James Remus and Peter all a Christmas present" he sighed as she looked at him horrified. "Wow I haven't even told James and Remus any of that before" he laughed in amazement.

"It's okay it will stay between you and me" she said putting a hand on his arm and giving him a comforting smile. He and Lily talked nearly every day when they had the chance after that and became best friends.

"Okay my turn", Sirius said pulling out his presents to everyone as they sat on the train on the way back to Hogwarts.  
"Well of course it's your turn you're the only one who hasn't given out presets yet" James said with a grin admiring his chocolate frogs from Peter and his broom caring kit from Remus. Peter had got a new chess set from Remus and a huge box of Berty Botts Every Flavoured Beans from James. Remus had got a box of his favourite muggle chocolates from Peter and a small stuffed moony padfoot wormtail and prongs so he will always have them with him from James. And finally Sirius had received a queen's album from James chocolate from Peter and a queen's tee-shirt from Remus.

Sirius told them to open their presents one by one so Peter opened his first "oh my god Sirius this is a chocolate frog with the rarest card in the world in it thank you so much."

"Okay my turn" James shouted "oh my Merlin's frilly pants is this what I think it is" James said holding a quaffle in his hands "are theses the signatures of all the cuddly cannons players!"

"yep and look at the snitch."

"oh my word its Oliver Crisp's signature the seekers signature thanks Sirius my gift to you seems really crappy now, next year I'm buying you like a house to mach this" James laughed Remus opened his gift.

"Guys could you leave for a second so I can talk to Sirius" Remus asked as Peter and James walked out of the room Remus hugged Sirius in a tight embrace "How did you get this?" he asked tears now creeping down his face.

"Well when you told me about you losing your copy and your dad reading you it every time you had a nightmare so I looked it up" he said smiling wiping away Remus' tears.

"Yes but this is a first addition" Remus said smiling holding up the secret garden (1911).

"Well it consisted of a lot of research and calling up C.S. Lewis' grandchildren and a lot of money but it's worth it"

"Sirius how much"

"I don't like to put a price on things" Sirius protested

"Sirius how much?"

"5..."

"FIVE HUNDRED" Remus shouted.

"No actually 5000 galleons"

"Sirius" Remus gasped "no no I can't take something this much I can't I just can't"

"Yes you can Remus... because your my best friend" Remus hugged Sirius tight and whispered a thank you in his ear before James and Peter came flying back into the train compartment laughing about something to do with cursing Snape's hair pink when a very angry looking Lilly came into the room.

"James Potter and Peter Pettigrew how could you be so horrible to him just after Christmas?" she asked looking displeased.

"Oh Lily" Remus said throwing a present at her.

"Aww thanks" she smile sitting down and opening the presents "Remus theses are my favourites" she said looking at the small box of expensive chocolates that Remus knew where her favourites after the many late night convocations they had nearly every night. After that she sat with them the whole ride until they got too Hogwarts.

That night Lilly found Sirius downstairs in the common room at about one AM "Here merry Christmas" he said passing her a small box.

"Sirius no... no I can't accept theses" she said looking at the gold and emerald earrings in a small box.

"Lily you are practically part of the marauders now you spend nearly every second with us and yes you can I spent the same amount on you as I did James plus they mach your eyes" he laughed

"How much did you spend on every one then?"

"Peter about five hundred galleons you and James one thousand galleons and Remus five thousand galleons" he said with a small smile.

"You really like him don't you?" Lily asked.

"I don't know what you mean I mean he is my best friend of course I like him" Sirius said quickly.

"Sirius there is nothing wrong with it."

"Thanks Lil... I know you like James it's obvious... you just need to give him a chance". He smiled before going upstairs to bed.

**Well that's it for now I hope you have all enjoyed and pleaseeeee review with only nice or constructive but if its constructive don't be a twat when righting like that anonymous guest on hpandthemarudersrocks fanfic family is important and so is that band and if you are don't do it as a guest or anonymously because is that really fair? **

**I have three exams the firtst one is next week so there probably wont be any updates until after, sorry **

**till next time **

**cat x**


	5. Chapter 5 A Disaster With Snape

**Hello everyone so it hasn't been toooooo long and thank you to everyone who has stayed with me my views have dropped and dropped but I don't care about numbers it is just my joy of righting.**

**So this one is dedicated to hpandthemaraudersrocks who is my beautiful sister who I couldn't live without, happy birthday I love you! **

**And as always to everyone who has reviewed **

**All the usual stuff I'm not J. K. Rowling never will be and this contains slashy stuff even though there hasn't actually been any slash yet don't think lardy dardy darr **

**This one officially has more and proper wolfstar so don't like don't read XD**

**This is my favourite chapter so far and is the longest being over 4000 words! **

**so yeah enjoy ^_^**

**Chapter 5 a Disaster with Snape**

"Hey Lily" Remus said to her. It was nearing the end of January and a new school term as he walked out the great hall with the marauders after finishing his breakfast.

"Oh hey Remus" she chirped in her usual good morning mood.

"I'm really sorry but I can't study with you on Friday night", he said apologetically.

"Oh... That's okay, but how come?"

"I've got to go home my mum's fallen ill and my Aunt Nash is going away on Friday".

"Oh I'm so sorry I hope she feels better soon, your Aunt Nash is your dad's sister though isn't she so is she a wizard?" Lily asked trying to change the subject.

"Yeah but she knew my mum longer then my dad did she actually introduced them they went to primary school and stayed in touch while my dad and aunt came here for school so my mum's known about magic ever since she was 14 years old when they finally decided to tell her she wasn't even angry at them for keeping it a secret she just smiled and said 'cool does that mean you can magically tidy my room for me?'" Remus laughed talking about the same subject he had only talked to the marauders about. "My Aunt Nash hated my dad for leaving us, she called him a coward and even told him she hated him and when he left he moved in with mum to help her around the house she even said she would pretend to be a muggle so I would grow up away from magic to make it easier for my mum; for mum... she was a god send and for aunt Nash she was closer to family then my dad or granddad they had both left are family when I was three and she had lost her mum when she was young" Remus said as Lily suddenly hugged him.

"Have a nice time at home" she smiled releasing him.

"You going again Lupin you go an away an awful lot nowadays where is it to this time?" Snape questioned.

"Fuck off Snape" Sirius barked.

"Wow Black not friendly today are we" Snape hissed. Sirius' eyes narrowed as his grip tightened on his wand he was about to pull it out of his pocket as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't you think you should all be heading to class before you put each other in the hospital wing" said Dumbledore as he was walking out of the hall "Oh Mr Lupin can I talk to you?" he asked

"Um yeah sure" Remus said following Dumbledore to his office.

"So I understand that your friends now know about your situation?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yes they do but they're not bothered about it and haven't or won't tell anyone" Remus replied.

"I'm sure they won't", Dumbledore smiled, "but how have you been coping around the full moon Remus?"

"Okay... professor where is this leading to?"

"This morning I found out that the ministry have changed the law; now when you turn thirteen you must be registered instead of sixteen and since you are already fourteen you have to go to be registered on Saturday or you will officially be illegal and they will hunt you down and fine you for all you own"

"But Saturdays is only two days after the full moon I could be seriously hurt in the hospital wing for all we know but they won't take that as an exception will they?"

"No but your aunt will come here to take you to the ministry on Saturday and you may want to take a friend as your mother won't be able to enter the ministry; honestly they wanted you to go on Friday but I negotiated a bit with them to get it at a later date weather it's just one day or not it's at least a bit better". Dumbledore said slightly worried as if there was something he wasn't telling him.

"So what did Dumbledore want?" James asked. `

"I'll tell you later" Remus sighed as he pulled a sugar quill out of his bag. Sirius watched intently as those perfect lips locked around the end of the quill in Remus' grasp _**'god what I would give to be that quill'**_ he thought to himself when his wonderful thoughts about Remus smiling at him yesterday when Sirius offered him help with his potions homework was suddenly broken by James nudging hum in the ribs

"Owwww what was that for" Sirius hissed in the back of the history of magic classroom.

"You where staring at Remus again... you really like him don't you" James said in a caring tone.

"Jamesey mate I think... I think I love him". James dropped his quill in amazement

"What oh my Merlin's pink lacy thong"

"There's an image I really didn't want in my head gay or not"

"Ahh come hear you" James said pulling Sirius into a bear hug.

"Do you two mind keeping your personal displays of affection out of my classroom" Bins said tapping his foot "50 points from Gryffindor" he said all Gryffindor's groaned to show their displacement. Suddenly Remus chucked a note to Sirius from the desk in front of him as Peter sat in front of Sirius and Remus sat in front of James to give Sirius perfect staring time without being noticed by anyone other than James. It was written in his long curly hand weighting that Sirius liked so much. _**'Okay what in the name of Merlin did you do?! The last time I saw Jim smile and hug you like that was when you hit Malfoy in the face and off of his broom with a bludger as he was about to snatch the snitch leading to Gryffindor winning last year's quidich cup! So come-on fesses up fury weeks make me inpatient, p.s. I need to talk to you meet me in front of the old oak tree at lunch, Remus' **_

Next thing they knew they were stood in the dungeons trying to make a working potion. James worked with Peter and Sirius worked with Remus as Peter was even worse at potions then Remus and Sirius and James where top of the class (alongside Lily and Snape of course). "So what do you need to talk to me about?" Sirius asked Remus quietly trying to concentrate on getting the potion right.

"I'll tell you at lunch but it's about the weekend" Remus replied quietly concentration on not getting the potion to blow up in his face like usual.

"I don't honestly know why we are bothering trying I mean old sluggy isn't guna say anything if it turns out to be the worst potion in the class because he has been sucking up to me all week trying to get me to join the slug club" Sirius laughed as Remus pulled a face

"Merlin I'm so pleased I'm not any one famous or good at potions" Remus laughed.

"Yeah just don't let him see you through a hex or well realise you are at the top the class in every lesson apart from this that's why he's trying to talk poor old Evans into joining."

"So Lupin how come you are only going away Friday night to see your poor old ill mother and not the whole weekend?" Snape said in a stuck up voice.

"Oh I am going to see her for the whole weekend now as my aunt won't be able to make it back before Monday if it's any of your business" Remus spat back while trying to calm the wolf down before he starts growling as well as the wolf.

"Oh so how come your not staying for the whole week?"

"My mother says that she wants me to spend time on my school work instead of worrying about her."

"Oh so where is your aunt going."

"Cornwall where her and my parents were brought up."

"Why?"

"She is visiting my grandmothers grave as its the anniversary of her death on Friday and her birthday on Sunday so she is staying for the whole weekend and hoping she doesn't meet my dad or grandfather as no one will be there to stop her hexing them" he said while not making eye contact with Snape throughout the whole convocation.

"Wow Lupin..." Snape said before getting cut off by Sirius snapping at him.

"Seriously Snivelus you must be one fucking sick individual to sit here and question a fellow class mate about his sick mother and his dead grandmother _**and**_his aunt whose caring for the only two members of family she has left." Snape just sat there and stuttered unable to speak getting once again cut off but this time by Slughorn ringing a little silver bell.

"Right everyone put all your equipment down your time is up!"

"Merlin if he is so interested why doesn't he just follow you?" Sirius sighted annoyed at Snape.

All third year Gryffindor and Hufflepuff students had their last lesson as a free period as there care for magical creature's teacher was in the hospital wing with yet another poisonous bight from a runespoor. Remus felt the need to pull out his newt 'fantastic beasts and where to find them' book.

"Why on earth do you have a new one?" Peter asked.

"Because wormtail it has the same stuff in it just more beasts and more information it's not any more advanced really though; any way hear it says that a runespoor is a three headed serpent with extremely deadly poison" Remus said frowning. Soon after their lunch Remus and Sirius went to the old oak tree to talk.

Remus sat in the common room so agitated it was eating him away from the inside. Suddenly he felt a warm hand on his shoulder and flew upwards staring at the startled Sirius holding two cups of coffee. Sirius' face softened as he saw the confusion on Remus' face.

"I know I know you better then I think its three days before the full moon so you are agitated and on edge and craving a notice warm coffee with lots of milk and three sugars" Sirius said smiling sitting on the sofa at the same time as Remus smiling as Remus took the coffee and grinned at his black haired friend.

Soon Lily came and sat next to the two 'subtly flirting' boys who were completely oblivious to each others 'subtly flirting'. "Hey what are you doing?" she asked instantly.

"Sirius just bought me a coffee" Remus couldn't help but grin.

"Did he get it right milk and one sugar?"

"Yes I did get it right a lot of milk and three sugars, I know you better then you think Remus Lupin" Sirius said smiling and talking the two coffee mugs back to their dorm and Remus followed him deciding to go and read somewhere where he wasn't so constantly agitated.

_**Remus walked into the room the blood sticking to the soles of his feet. When he noticed there something in the distance on the floor. He ran towards it as fast as he could realising what or who it was. There was Sirius, James, Peter and Lily lay on the floor of the shrieking shack. Dead. Torn to pieces. And then him in his human form. But far from human. With that hunger in his eyes he had seen that fateful day in Greybacks. **_

_**"I'm here to pick up Johns things" Keith said pushing past Delia to grab some left over things her husband had left behind. **_

_**"Don't let that beast near me" he spat. A three year old Remus Lupin watched from behind the door to the living room when his grandfather suddenly came in smacking him around the face as Remus flew across the floor.**_

_**"You discussing beast never come near me or my son, we will never love you; you are no family of mine" he said before storming out of the room. A young Remus Lupin walked into the house. He knew what he was about to watch. He banged and screamed on the glass trying to get him to leave to run to get as far away as possible. When it happened all he saw was blood. A mere three year old screaming as Greybacks sunk his teeth into the tiny boys body and started to sick the blood away from him. He ripped at his skin trying to hurt the infant as much as possible. To death took his as his victim yet saved him from the pain. **_The three boys suddenly woke up to a terrible screaming and Sirius shot up and ran to Remus' bed trying to wake the screaming crying boy up. He woke up in Sirius arms and just sobbed "Why couldn't he of just killed me that night before I hurt one of you before everyone else starts to hate me like my father and grandfather?" he questioned between sobs "I don't want to hurt you Sirius". The next morning Remus woke up wrapped in Sirius arms and for the first time in ten years... he felt safe.

The four boys had had a free period as their care of magical creatures teacher was still in the hospital wing as the bite seemed to be more severe then madam Pompfree originally thought. James and Peter had gone down to the common room and Sirius and Remus had had a bit of a sleep in. Sirius walked into the room after getting dressed to find Remus with his head stuck into his trunk.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked making Remus jump.

"Oww" Remus said rubbing his head after hitting from being scared "looking for chocolate" he mumbled hoping Sirius wouldn't hear him.

"NO REMUS GIVE ME THAT CHOCOLATE!" CRASH.

"What the hell is happening up there?" Lily said as she sat next to James and Peter.

"OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

"Aren't you two suppose to be their friends?" she asked.

"THAT CAN BE ARAINGED!"

"Yeah" James shrugged.

"SIRIUS GIVE ME THE FUCKING CHOCOLATE BACK!" THUD, THUD, THUD.

"So shouldn't you go help them?" Lily said as suddenly Sirius came flying down the stairs and into the room followed by a very angry Remus.

"SIRIUS GIVE ME THE FUCKING CHOCOLATE BEFORE I RIP YOU IN TWO!" Peter and James looked at each other as the colour drained out of their faces.

"Chocolate" they chimed together as they followed Sirius and Remus back up the stairs to their dorm room. As they entered they found Remus sat on top of Sirius on the floor both had a smug little smile on their faces as Sirius was enjoying being sat on and Remus was about to eat the chocolate when James snatched it out of his hands. "No if you eat chocolate before the full moon you will be vomiting all night chocolate and wolf don't mix unless you want to spend this night as well in the shack but only because we have thrown our vomiting ass out" James snapped now helping him up "god I feel sorry for your son someday" "son?" James questioned "yeah I could only imagine you with a boy but I bet he would prefer fight voldermort then have your lectures" Remus laughed "yeah knowing are lots lucks he will be some sort of chosen one born to defeat the 'dark lord'" Sirius laughed with everyone else.

It was the night of the full moon and Remus had already left for the shack as Sirius, James and Peter went to get some blankets and meet him there.

Snape saw those glaring amber eyes and snarling teeth as the wolf went to grab it's pray as Snape was suddenly yanked back out of the shack. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WHERE DOING YOU IDIOT DO YOU ONLY EVER THINK OF YOURSELF WE WONT BE ABLE TO GO IN THERE TO MAKE SURE HE'S OKAY NOW DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HURT REMUS IS GOING TO BE HOW THE WOLF WILL REACT FROM LOISING ITS PRAY 'REMUS COULD DIE AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT' selfish" James screamed as Sirius tried not to cry and Peter just stood looking sickened at the quivering boy on the floor as Dumbledore appeared.

"Why don't we go to my office and inform madam Pompfree of what's happened, she and Remus are going to have a long night"

"Sirius go to his bedside in the morning and tell him while you can or you will never be able to live with yourself" James whispered to his clearly distraught friend.

"Remus" Sirius started; tears still falling down his perfect red cheeks. "God Remus please don't die don't leave me, what would I do without you apart from fail all my subjects as there would be no one to take notes for me" he laughed waiting, wishing for Remus to laugh with him but alas he didn't the poor thin blood stained unconscious boy just lay there waiting for death. "Merlin what would we all do without you there is no marauders without moony... there is no padfoot without Remus. I love you so much not like you think like a brother my love for you is more than your love for chocolate I love you Remus Lupin so much more than words can say because you complete me. You put up with my stupid antics and I swear if you die I won't last the week. I love you" Sirius sobbed holding Remus' hand. He lent forward and pushed his golden brown hair back to kiss his forehead when Remus mover his head to catch Sirius lips on his. "Remus?" Sirius whispered.

"God I've been waiting so long to hear you say that" Remus croaked with a smile etched onto his face. Sirius cupped his hands around Remus' face and kissed him passionately.

"Don't you ever fucking scare me like this again" he whispered. "God I'm so sorry Rem it's all my fault if I hadn't said to you why doesn't he just follow you like some complete twat I should of known he was using an ear wigging charm" Sirius sighed.

"Sirius what happened, I, I don't remember anything". Sirius explained everything to Remus while Remus reassured him it wasn't his fault as Snape shouldn't have used an ear wigging charm in the first place and Sirius stopped blaming himself and fell asleep on Remus' bed wrapped in each other's arms.

After a very long week Remus was dragged out of his hospital wing bed by Sirius and they were both aparated to Remus' house and then driven to London by his very worried aunt. Remus rested his thumping head on Sirius' shoulder in the waiting room of the control of magical creators- werewolves department. They were called in by a very tall thin man with a kind face. "Ben?" Nash asked gobsmacked.

"Tasha?" he replied pulling her into a friendly hug as they got into the other room. They all helped Remus onto the table and Sirius put a protective arm around him.

"Remus honey" Nash said in a voice as if she was speaking to a four year old, "this is Ben I went to school with him"

"So you went to school with Aunt Nash? Got any stories I can embarrass her with?" Remus crocked out a laugh.

"Ahh so your John and Delia's child how are the two of them these days?" he asked Natasha as if he was trying to avoid something.

"Del is fine but John pissed off years ago when Remus was bitten... any way stop trying to go off subject you are hiding something I know you too well."

"Honestly I'm just trying to avoid the whole of this to be honest but basically what we are going to do is tattoo like a bar code but it's just more like a series of numbers into your neck low down to it won't be visible when wearing everyday cloths. I'm not meant to do that but since it's you" he smiled uneasily, "I'm also not meant to do this; there is silver in the ink it's to try and kill off all werewolves while there young but hears the recipe for the antidote".

"But I'm shit at potions remember it runs through Lupin blood we are all terrible at potions that's why I only made it as an aura by the skin of my teeth".

"I'm not" Sirius said "I'll brew the potion when we get back after this, I won't watch him almost die again; do you have all these ingredients at home already?"

"Yeah when Remus went to Hogwarts I stocked up again and tried to teach his mum how to make potions but its mainly for pain killers after transformations... but some of these I've never heard off I have all but theses two" she said pointing at acromantula venom and billywig wings.

"Yeah acromantula's are very dangers and rare there venom is very expensive so are billywig wings but both of which I know I have in my parents privet store cupboard if you will take me there" Sirius asked.

"No" Remus protested in a strong voice and his amber eyes wide as if he had just woken up from a night air. "No Sirius I won't let you."

"Remus its ever this or you die! School don't have these things trust me I've broken into Slughorn store cupboard enough times to know."

"What will your parents do if they catch you."

"Wait what do you mean?" Natasha asked.

"You don't know my last name do you?" Sirius asked.

"No why is it important?"

"Black I'm a Black that's why Remus is so worried if my parents see me so let's get you registered and get out of here before my dad sees me; he likes to come in here and chuckle at the poor unfortunate soles who almost die every month" and with that they got on with it.

They aparated Remus home as it would of taken too long to drive and when they got there everything was set out for them by Remus' mum as Nash had sent her a protronus from the ministry explaining everything.

"Right get him sat down with a bucket and put a cold towel on his head and a warm blanket around him" Sirius said to a worried Delia as he pulled off his jacket and he and Nash got to work on the potion.

"Right get him some cheese, milk and some bread would be good as well this potion will only work if he has calcium inside him and a full stomach".

"Right this has to mature for thirty minutes and then we will add the venom and the wings when it turns a violent shade of pink this can't go wrong as he only has two hours left to live... we will be back soon" Sirius said and with that they both disappeared and reappeared on the door step of twelve grimald place.

"Right hears James' invisibility cloche he gave me in case I wasn't allowed in the ministry with you put it on and follow me" Nash did as she was told as she could tell how nervous Sirius was. They found the ingredients and made for a quick retreat with them safely in Natasha's pocket.

"SIRIUS ORIAN BLACK" they heard as they both turned around to see Sirius' mother stood behind him.

"Fuck" he breathed "hello mother can't stay and chat you know place to go people to see."

"What have you taken?"

"Just some stuff from my room."

"Why?"

"Does it matter?"

"Why?" she spat almost dangerously.

"Just an potion ingredient I need to help friend who is going to die IF I DON'T GET BACK TO HIM" Sirius shouted Sirius relieved a painful slap around the face what sent him flying across the room.

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT HOW DAIR YOU TRY AND _HELP _ONE OF THOSE FILTHY HALF BLOOD FRIENDS OF YOURS LET THEM DIE IT WILL BE ONE LESS DESCUSTING FREAK WE HAVE TO WORRIE ABOUT" she said slapping him hard again resulting in two red hand prints left on his cheeks. She pulled out her wand and pointed it at Sirius as a look of utter fear struck his face. Natasha quickly ran over to him and aparated them both away before he could be any more hurt. They arrived back with a loud thud onto the floor.

"Sirius your face are you okay?" Del said as Sirius realised how red and sour his cheeks are.

"Sirius what was she about to do to you?" Natasha asked as Sirius went to put the venom and wings in the potion. He just ignored her, what else could he have done?

"Get the bowl ready" he said in a neutral tone. He gave Remus the potion as he suddenly started throwing up while big chunks of sliver came out in his sick and thirty odd minutes later he had the colour back in his face again. Sirius stood in the kitchen drinking a glass of water.

"Sirius that wasn't the first time she had hit you like that was it?... please you can talk to me... what she was going to do to you?" Natasha asked.

"Nash thank you for your concern but I'm use to it" he said but his face saddened "old methods die hard please don't tell anyone especially Remus" she agreed and he thanked her and before they knew it they were back at Hogwarts and explaining the silver poisoning to Dumbledore, Madam Pompfree and James and Peter. Sirius now found himself smoking on the astronomy tower and once again trying to bandage up his wrists and hips when he heard a soft alohamora and saw a Remus walk up to him "you smoke?" he asked.

"Yeah but only when I have an encounter with one of my parents" Remus nodded lighting up one of his own fags. "You smoke?" Sirius asked him.

"Yeah but only after a transformation" they both laughed.

"So you saw your mum I'm guessing."

"Yeah" Sirius replied sadly taking another drag of his cigarette. Realising the time they both decided to go down to the kitchens and get some chocolate cake.

"By the way" Remus said as they headed back to the dorm with 5 pieces of cake each what the house elves had given them "thanks for saving my life". Sirius laughed.

"Any time".

**I hope you enjoyed that and please leave me a comment as it makes me happy.**

**the next chapter will be uploaded as soon as possible and as this is my 5th chapter I am going to give you a sneak peek to say thank you to all of you lovely people for sticking with me!**

**I hope you are all having a lovely half term and exams are going okay. I only have one left which is physics which is on Wednesday so wish me luck.**

**so here's a 100 word snippet from the middle of chapter 6, enjoy and stay cool **

**Chapter 6****Dear Diary**

_Wednesday 13th February 11 pm, Dear Diary, Its two days away from half term and I'm dreading it. Regules is going to a friend's house and I'm being forced into going home so my parents can torcher me to their hearts content. Also tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I have no clue what to do. I have Remus' present but it's kind of awkward between us... I'm scared of him seeing my scars like he is with me. I love him so much but I think we are afraid of being a couple in front of James, Peter and Lily because we can't be in front of everyone else. _


	6. Chapter 6 Dear Diary

**Okay, okay, I know it has been two weeks! But it isn't the longest it has taken me to upload before now is it?! **

**So normal things slash not J.K Rowling (although that would be awesome) don't like don't read larddy dardy da.**

**NEW RECORD FOR LONGEST CHAPTER 5909 WORDS WHOOOO!**

**Okay so this one is dedicated to the lovely Eleni as she doesn't even like wolf star but is still reading this as I wrote it ^_^ feeling the love 3.**

**And as always to everyone who has reviewed and read and stuck with me from the beginning**** you are all grate.**

**Sorry for any mistakes I am dyslexic seems like I have to remind people.**

**So yeah I hope you enjoy I like this chapter a lot.**

**Chapter 6****Dear Diary**

It was 3am and everyone was fast asleep. Apart from Sirius of course who was sat in the common room drawing.

"Is that me?" Remus said from behind him. Sirius gave out a small yelp dropping his sketch book and artist pencils.

"no" he said modestly.

"Yes it was... lemme see" Remus said tackling Sirius to the floor trying to grab the book. When he was finally free, Sirius ran to the other side of the room.

"Ha ha you can't catch me" he chimed

"Accio book".

"Heyyy that's unfair" Sirius mooned as they both plopped down onto the sofa.

"Wow theses are amazing the detail on this hippogriff and James as a stag and wow padfoot why don't you ever show anyone theses?"

"Because I was scared you would all judge me."

"Why would we ever do that?"

"Because that's what my parents did. When I was younger and I first started drawing my uncle said I had a natural gift for it and that the detail was so great that it looked like a photograph. I drew anything and everything. I was so proud I wanted to show my mother thinking that for once she would be proud of me too. But of course she wasn't she threw my sketch book and all of my paints and pencils into the fire then she slapped me across the face and told me to go to my room. I didn't understand what I had done wrong. I still don't. I was three then" Sirius said tears falling down his face.

Remus wiped the tears with his thumb. "She hit you?"

"Oh... yeah but that is the only time she has done it" Sirius lied realising he had said more than intended. "Remus", Sirius said changing the subject, "I've realised that over the past month all we have really done is flirt since I told you I was in love with you so... would you like to go out with me?" Remus kissed him tenderly. "I thought you would never ask" he said kissing him again this time more passionately.

"Remus oi Remus stop eating that person's face and look at your aunt while she is talking to you" Sirius and Remus both jumped apart.

"I'm going to bed see you in the morning" Sirius said kissing Remus on the cheek.

"So you and Sirius finally going out?" she asked as Remus walked towards the fireplace to talk to her.

"Yeah... wait hay how did you know about that."

"It's obvious he's head over heels for you and you for him."

"Yeah but I just found out that his mum hit him."

"Oh so he told you?" she asked.

"You knew?"

"Well I was there" she said sarcastically.

"But this is when he was three wait his mum hit him again when you went with him to his house? He said she had only done it once when he was three."

"Remus you don't think... that his mum hurts him do you?" she asked now sounding worried. "I don't know but I'll ask him soon I don't want to ruin anything by asking him I'll talk in the morning I need sleep, love you"

"I love you Remus, bye."

"Bye" he replied watching the flame disappear.

_Wednesday 13th February 11 pm, Dear Diary, Its two days away from half term and I'm dreading it. Regules is going to a friend's house and I'm being forced into going home so my parents can torcher me to their hearts content. Also tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I have no clue what to do. I have Remus' present but it's kind of awkward between us... I'm scared of him seeing my scars like he is with me. I love him so much but I think we are afraid of being a couple in front of James, Peter and Lily because we can't be in front of everyone else. _

"Hay Sirius" Remus said walking across the balcony in the Gryffindor common room and down the stairs and sitting next to Sirius. "What is it with you and being up so late?" Remus said rapping his arms around his boyfriend.

"I'm just righting my diary before I come and joined you up stairs" Sirius said moving Remus' fringe out of his face and kissing his for head.

"You have a diary?" Remus asked slightly amazed.

"Yeah I have written one nearly every day since I was three. My uncle gave me my first one and told me that whenever I was upset and had no one to talk to because I was at home... that that diary was my new best friend" he smiled.

"You could write at the age of three?" Remus asked amazed.

"Yeah this is the stuff you get pushed too when you are a Black; I was doing first year magic to a third year standard at the age of seven" Sirius said putting his diary down after flicking through all of the pages. "My uncle put a charm on it so it will never be full and I can always right in it". Sirius said holding on to a smiling Remus tighter and nuzzling his nose into his hair "why are you up so late your shattered I mean your falling asleep on me hear?" Sirius laughed as Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius' waist lying on the sofa and closed his eyes lightly hoping to fall asleep there.

"Because" Remus said snuggling deeper into Sirius extremely comfy snugly fluffy dressing gown (that only the marauders knew about) "my great big lump of a boyfriend wasn't there for me to cuddle and to keep me warm" Remus protested.

"Well would you like him now he's also tired and wants to go to bed" Sirius asked with one eyebrow raised.

"Yeah but only if you carry me". Sirius pulled out his wand and started to levitate Remus what instantly woke him up and he started yelling "Sirius put me down" he laughed in protest.

"Fine how about this" Sirius said wrapping his arms around the freezing cold boy and carrying him up the stairs and laying him on the bed. "Remus your freezing" Sirius whispered into the sleepy boy's ear.

"I told you I needed you hear to keep me warm" Remus said as a smile creped across his face. Sirius stripped off his dressing gown reviling a long sleeved black shirt and a pair of baggy blue chequered pyjama bottoms, then he crawled into bed and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy giving him a soft kiss.

"Good night Remus".

The next morning James and Peter where getting ready in the bathroom wile Sirius and Remus where sat on Remus' bed with the curtains closed having a very passionate Valentine's Day snog.

"Sirius are you coming to breakfast... what's wrong?" Remus asked worried.

"Yeah it's just you remember last year on valentines' day I mean I was in the flipping hospital wing the whole day from the savvier paper cuts I got from the amount of cards and presents dropped on my head all at once and all the girls have formed a club it's scary Remus I'm afraid I'm going to be gang raped with chocolate by a group of girls I'm gay for Merlin's sakes and the only girl I want is right in front of me" he said resulting in a light punch in the arm from Remus.

"I personally love your scary fan club on valentines' day as you give me nearly all of the chocolate" Remus laughed kissing Sirius hard.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"The nerves now come on" Remus said grabbing Sirius by the hand and dragging him to breakfast. The whole of the great hall was set out with big pink and red hearts and all of the toast in heart shapes and all of the jam was bright red and pink. The tables where decorated in flowers and streamers.

"Is it just me or is it creepy how all of the Hufflepuff give each other gifts" Peter whispered.

"Yeah I swear there all hippies" James laughed. Suddenly the post came flying in and Remus quickly raised an umbrella up over his and Sirius' heads as they both laughed.

"See I told you it was lucky to have an umbrella up indoors" Remus laughed.

"I would like to make an announcement" Dumbledore shouted across the hall "today there shall be no classes' a small valentines' gift to you from the staff" he said as everyone cheered.

By the end of breakfast James had got fifty cards Peter got two Remus got twenty and Sirius got seventy five and eighty boxes of chocolate what he and Remus enjoyed going back to the dorm to eat. At two Sirius said he had to go not letting Remus know where when Remus received a small letter from a first year. _**Meet me on the astronomy tower at 7pm don't be late and if you tell anyone ill personally kill you- Regules. **_Remus scoffed and shoved the letter in his top draw "like Regules could kill me" he said to himself deciding to start sorting out Sirius' valentines' day present and that he was going to meet Regules so he could give him a little bollixing. Sirius stood in front of a huge portrait tickling the pear and walking into the room where he was greeted by all of the house elf's and professor Dumbledore. "Right just tell me what you need me to do" the head teacher said with a twinkle in his eye.

Remus walked through the door at 7pm ready to leave Regules there with two black eyes when he looked up seeing a very poshly dressed Sirius stood in front of a dining table holding twelve red roses in his hands "happy valentine's day" he said softly handing Remus the roses and Sirius grabbed him by the waist and kissed him passionately.

"So you got Regules to send that letter?" Remus said as Sirius dragged him to the table.

"First course is your favourite leek and potato soup then for main is a cheese fondue and finally for desert is a chocolate cake with chocolate ice-cream all handmade of course" Sirius laughed at Remus' face.

"Y-you made all of this" he said with amazement.

"Yeah with the help of Dumbledore, the house elves said they will bring the food up for us and please don't tell James I can cook" he laughed poring him and Remus some Champaign. The evening when great and Remus decided he wanted to give Sirius his present.

"Ready close your eyes, accio, hear you go" Remus said handing Sirius a gift rapped in red paper.

"Okay I have yours hear" Sirius said handing Remus a smaller box also rapped in red paper.

"Sirius you have already done so much."

"I know but most couples got to go to hogsmeet on dates and stuff and we don't so I wanted to set this up as are first date any way just accept your gift" he laughed handing Remus the box as they both opened there gifts at the same time. "It's a two way mirror I created with a simple spell me and James had one last year when ever you want to talk to me you just look into the mirror and say padfoot and we will be able to see and talk to each other" he said smiling oh and your aunt told me what your favourite chocolates where" he smiled as Remus looked at the small box and mirror in his hands.

"Siri thank you so much wow this is amazing... okay your turn" he said smiling as Sirius ripped off the wrapping paper and opened the big wooden box "oil pastels chalk pastels water colour paints and pencils acrylic paints charcoals Remus this must of cost a fortune" Sirius gasped.

"You see the whole thing has an extension charm so you can add whatever you want and one of the compartments is just filled with pictures with us as I know you told only me that your new years resolution was to take more pictures" Remus smiled at Sirius' still gobsmacked face.

"a small pack of five acrylic paints in this make is usually around one hundred galleons or one hundred and fifty pounds how did you got theses?" he asked.

"Well you know that cartoon artist you love so much Eddy Jones well I sort of know him he made you a small cartoon strip look there" Remus said pointing to the small hand painted cartoon strip of him and Remus walking along the beach and kissing at the sunset "I sent him a picture of us and this is what he came up with" Remus said to a still speechless Sirius who regained his voice as he turned over the picture to read the weighting on the back.

"Dear Sirius when Remy told me his boyfriend was my beigest fan I couldn't help but smile that someone out there actually knows me so I wanted to do something for you... keep making my nephew happy from the way he talks about you I can tell you do... from Eddy Jones p.s. brake my nephews heart and you're a dead man... HE'S YOUR UNCLE" Sirius said gobsmacked as Remus smiled and kissed Sirius to shut him up.

"Happy valentines' day"

It was the half term and Sirius was at home without Regules for the first time since he was born and since there was only thirteen months between them. Sirius sat in his room drawing as he heard a soft knock and quickly threw all of his art stuff under his bed and pulled out a book "enter" he said quietly, "hello, Claire is it?" he said happily to the young girl who entered his room and stood and looked at him blankly.

"Um yes sir I'm the replacement for the last made who was fired last week..." she said with a small curtsy.

"Well its lovely to meet you Claire... you don't need to look at me so blankly I'm like the black sheep of the family I'm the only decent one who hasn't been blown off of the tree... wait so who are you replacing?" he said fishing around under his bed for his art book.

"An old nurse called Rose" she said putting his dirty clothes in a draw. Sirius dropped his book and pencils in shock, "R-Rose... t-they fired Rose... w-why?."

"Apparently she was no longer needed why did you know her?" she asked casually after putting the last of the things away.

"She was my nurse ever since I was born, she looked after me like a mother" Sirius said quietly.

"I'm sorry" Claire said sympathetically.

"It's okay" he replied with a smile.

"Sirius" a small voice said as Claire walked out of the room.

"Hay Remus" Sirius said picking up the mirror.

"Hay I just got my midterm reports what about you?"

"Shit" Sirius said dropping the mirror and running down the stairs. And into his dad's office where his mother also was them both looking over numbers when a jet black owl came flying into the room and landed on his mothers arm. She took the letter from its beak as her eyes widened with rage as she stared at Sirius and handed the letter to her husband.

"You got an E" his farther spat. "How do you expect to get through life only getting an E in history of magic you should be getting O's in everything ells you should be getting top marks in history of magic as well as everything ells."

"I'm sorry I-" Sirius was cut off by a hard punch in the face that sent him flying across the floor. "I'll try harder I promise" Sirius said pleadingly as his dad grabbed him pulling him to his feet by his collar hitting him hard in the face again sending him flying back to the floor

"You won't try you will and if you don't you will be locked in that basement for the whole of the summer holidays got it?" he said the anger burned like fire in his eyes as he nodded tears in his eyes as Sirius sat shaking in fear.

"Answer your farther when he talks to you, you ignorant little child; you need to be taught a lesson... crucio". The words slipped off of his tong like venom as Sirius screamed in pain and agony as fire was shot through his veins and when it finally stopped his parents walked out of the room leaving him on the floor. Sirius managed to drag himself up the stairs and into his room, his vanes still felt on fire and packed his trunk (what only consisted of putting his art box and mirror back into it) and quickly wrote a letter before going down stairs.

"Uncle Alphard has offered me to stay at his house for the rest of the week and said he would help me with school work is that okay?" Sirius asked his mother quickly.

"I guess so having you out my hair for the rest of the week will do me some good" she said shaking her head. Sirius quickly attached a letter to his owl, Jelly asking his uncle to cover for him while he stayed at a friend's.

"Remus would you get that?" his aunt asked as they very poorly attempted at cooking a meal while his mother came down stairs to take over the miserable attempt at dinner. Remus was shocked when he opened the door and found his boyfriend on the other side of it trunk in hand a black eye, a split lip and tear stained cheeks.

"Can I stay here for a while?" he asked.

"Yes god Sirius what happened to you?" Remus asked hugging Sirius tight.

"A small fist fight with a very smug cousin after a huge fight with my parents about my report and my cousin is staying there all week" he said sitting on the sofa Remus had led him to too talk to him on.

"Why what was so bad about it?" he asked confused.

"I got all O's in everything but history of magic what I received an E in" me said disappointedly.

"But that's great you got top marks in everything you got Outstanding and Exceeds Expectations it's not like you got a T, Troll" Remus said confused.

"Yeah well Blacks expect a lot" Sirius half smiled at Remus as he sighed.

"Let's heel your eye and lip shall we?" he said as Sirius looked in the mirror realising how much damage his father had really caused him. "Mum, Aunt Nash is it okay for Sirius to stay for the rest of the week he got in a small fight with a relative?" Remus asked pocking his head into the kitchen.

"Of course" the two ladies chimed. Remus held his hand leading him into the room as his aunt and mother where peeling vegetables.

"Aunt Nash could you help heel a small cut and brose Sirius has?" he asked as the two women turned around and they both dropped their peelers to the floor seeing the state of Sirius' bruised face.

"I thought you said a small fight" his aunt gasped sitting him down on a chair and heeling his face with her wand.

"It was a small fight there were no curses thrown for once" Sirius laughed as they all stood in astonishment but Remus. Remus knew form some accidental stories what the blacks were like towards Sirius but had never seen him this hurt.

"I'm going to show Sirius to my room" Remus said grabbing Sirius by the hand and dragging him up the stairs. Sirius was shoved into the red and yellow room and pushed up against the door by Remus and then met by a very passionate kiss.

"What was that for?" Sirius asked cheekily with his eyebrows raised.

"For coming here and not to James'" Remus said into Sirius' neck.

"Well I don't get snogged like that at James'" Sirius laughed.

"I would hope not or I might have to get moony out to have a word" Remus smiled as Sirius laughed kissing his boyfriend passionately.

"Any way I can tell you didn't smoke after the argument what is good my nose never deceives me?" he laughed tapping his nose.

Dinner passed and Sirius and Remus where curled under a blanket together up on the sofa as his aunt and mother sat on the other one watching a muggle comedian as there was a loud nock on the door and they all looked at Sirius.

"We are too comfortable and you're staying here as are guest so make yourself useful and answer the door" Natasha said with a cheeky grin.

"Oh Nash you are always the charmer" he laughed standing up and answering the door. "Merlin's pants" Sirius gasped.

"Who is it?" Remus asked standing up then running across the room realising who it was. "Uncle Eddy your back!" he said hugging his uncle then the three children behind them as Sirius just stood in shock.

"You must be Sirius Black" he smiled shaking his hand.

"Sirius" Remus said bringing him back from shock "these are my cousins Rogue who's nine, Chris who's eighteen, and Adam who is Rogues twin so he is also nine" Remus smiled.

"Is it slightly sad and scary that I know who how old they are already" Sirius laughed "I can't believe I'm meeting Eddy Jones_ thee _Eddy Jones it's a pleasure sir" he said shaking his hand.

"And if you don't mind me saying I can't believe I'm meeting a decent member of _the _Black family" he laughed. They sat down and talked for a while Eddy explained that he was back from France as they ran into some death eater trouble and decided it was safer hear and of course Mrs Lupin demanded that he stay with them. As Remus and Sirius got ready for bed he explained how Eddy was his father's and Aunt Nash' brother had an argument with his granddad and dad when he was bitten and changed his name to their mother's maiden name just to prove a point. Sirius and Remus where getting ready for bed when there was a loud knocking at the door "come in" Remus called as Sirius was cleaning his teeth in the on-sweet.

"Thank Merlin for your mother insisting on having two spare rooms in case we visited I'm on my own Rogue is bunking with Nash and the two boys are in the larger of the spars thought I would let you know where we all are" he smiled taking note how Remus had a big double bed and no place set up for Sirius to sleep, Remus smiled back realising what his uncle was thinking.

"If you must know mum says she doesn't care and Nash says as long as I don't get Sirius pregnant." Remus laughed at the joke.

"I never said anything."

"But you where thinking it" Remus smiled.

"Talking of Sirius I wanted to talk to him."

"I'm in hear" he shouted from the small on-sweet pocking his still slightly swollen face. He walked out greeting Eddy with a warm smile "what can I do you for?"

"Remus told me that you're an artist I was wondering if I could look at some of your work" he asked. Sirius had a warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of his stomach Eddy Jones wanted to look at his work. He handed him the small book.

"It has an extension charm so it will never be full it has nearly every peace I've ever done in there" he explained not being able to remove the grin from his face.

"Wow Sirius theses are amazing the detail on this is gorgeous and the picture of Remus is so lifelike".

"That one isn't finished yet I'm still trying to get it to move but I have another version of it that is that doesn't move as I prefer them not to but the angle of it I thought would just look great moving so I did an exact same picture so it would" he smiled "keep it look at it and give it back in the morning maybe you could give me some pointers."

"Or you could give me some this work is great" he smiled as Sirius felt like he could cry with happiness. They finally went to bed around 1am and lead on to a very hectic next three days.

Sirius woke up to a very happy looking Remus. "Morning" Sirius said sleepily kissing Remus lightly.

"Want to make me some breakfast?" Remus asked smiling "as I need to talk to you about some stuff privately so I figured you could cook for me while I just talk" Remus laughed knowing Sirius loved to cook too much to say no.

"Come on then tell me what you want and I'll make it" he said getting out of bed and heading into the bathroom to get ready. Remus was now completely comfortable with Sirius seeing his scars but couldn't work out why Sirius would never change in front of him like Remus now did. Sirius came out the bathroom now they were both showered and ready they headed down stairs.

"Where is everyone?" Sirius asked Remus.

"Its 9:30am I'm guessing they are still asleep what gives me a good chance to talk to you" Remus smiled.

"Okay and why did you have to wake me up at 9:30am?." "I've told you this... I was hungry" Remus smiled rapping his arms around Sirius' waist and kissing a trail down his neck; Sirius gave out a low moan then turned around to kiss Remus passionately. Realising even a werewolf needs to breathe to stay alive Remus pulled away and smiled resting his head against Sirius' shoulder.

"So my uncle and my cousins are all wizards and they also know about the whole werewolf thing but the full moon is tomorrow... seems I miscounted days... but anyway I just wanted to ask- will you still be there with me... on the full moon?" Remus said looking down. Sirius kissed him on the cheek

"I would battle through the walls of Azkaban, a million death eaters Bogart's and dementors to be with you; I love you" Sirius smiled kissing Remus again until the kiss was rudely interrupted by the growling of Remus' stomach making Sirius laugh and decide to start cooking breakfast.

Eddy Jones was pleasantly awaken by the smell of a full English breakfast being cooked so he decided to rudely awake his children like they did to him every Christmas and still do.

"Nash?... Del?... if we are all up then who's cooking?" he asked as they all raced down stairs and into the kitchen to see Remus stood with his arms around Sirius' waist talking into his ear wile Sirius stood over the four frying-pans one filled with five slices of bacon one with seven odd sausages the third one had three eggs in at once and the last one had a slice of eggy bread in then there was also baked beans in the microwave and hash browns in the oven.

"Can you get some plates out please?" Sirius asked Remus kissing him on the cheek then tuning very red as they spun around to fin the whole of the Lupin family looking at them with grins on their faces.

"Oh sorry um" Sirius said scratching the back of his head "I just wanted t make everyone breakfast to say thanks for letting me stay".

"Also I told him to get his arse out of bed man make me breakfast" Remus laughed as Sirius whipped him with the tea towel. Everyone grabbed a plate and told Sirius what they wanted as he served it up.

"Remus can we do magic hear or..."Sirius asked.

"No why?" Remus replied.

"Nash would you do a cleaning spell on theses so I can start making more eggy bread" he asked as she charmed the pans with a smile. Natasha Remus and Sirius sat in the kitchen while everyone ells sat in the living room.

"Merlin Sirius that was amazing Remus you have got yourself a good one there" Chris said with a wink. They all walked into the living room to see how everyone ells was doing.

"Right who wants eggy bread?" Sirius said as they all looked at him with hopeful eyes.

"Okay" he laughed "but Nash gets the first peace for sorting out my face yesterday" he smiled walking into the kitchen with Remus. Sirius put his arms around Remus' waist.

"Aww don't worry you look handsome all the time" Remus said running his hands in Sirius' hair then under his eye to look at the swelling.

"Sirius kissed him on the cheek then attempted to teach him to cook eggy bread.

"What was wrong with Sirius' face?" Eddy asked confused.

"I'll show you the memory in my pensive" Nash said as they both ran upstairs to show the memory.

"Bloody hell a family member did that to him?" Eddy asked gobsmacked.

"But the weird thing is he told Remus that his mum hit him when he was three and said it was the first and only time she had done it but I went to his house with him under an invisibility cloak and saw him mother hit him and this was before he told Remus about the first time she did when he was three" Nash said extremely quickly.

"You don't think... you don't think his parents abuse him?" Eddy asked worried as Nash just nodded.

After breakfast Sirius and Remus went to do Mrs. Lupin's shopping for her then unpacked it for her. This was to keep them busy because as they got back Remus could start feeling the pull of the moon; he guessed it started so late because he was so happy having Sirius and his family hear with him.

"Mum, Nash can I talk to you?" Remus asked trapping them in the kitchen while everyone ells was in the living room. "We counted the days wrong so it's not the full moon when I go back to school... its tomorrow" Remus said leaning on a chair.

"But we don't have the potions or anything ready" his mother said with tears in her eyes. Remus gave her a hug

"Well we have the potions genius over there as no one in this house can make them better than him and we have all of the ingredients any way also everyone here knows I'm a werewolf so..." Remus said with a smile.

"Okay but Sirius better start them potions now to keep my peace of mind" Delia said worried. Remus went skipping out of the room to get the potions ingredients for Sirius.

"Right we need to hide all the chocolate though because in school whenever he gets stressed he eats chocolate since he is the world's beigest chocoholic and it makes him so ill around the full moon it is ridicules" Sirius said quickly before Remus got back.

"Oh god I forgot about that he hasn't been here on a full moon for so long... I'm a bit worried he use to be so bad after the moon" she said shakily.

"He will be fine I promise he has been so much better now he has a little secret weapon you will find out about tomorrow maybe" Sirius smiled reassuringly. After about four hours Sirius was bottling the potions adding a bit of vanilla to it to make it taste better. Delia Lupin opened her eyes being very rudely woken up by a loud thumping noise she got up pocking her head out the door to find everyone running down the stairs to find Remus and Sirius shouting in their pyjamas running around the living room.

"SIRIUS GIVE ME THE FUCKING CHOCOLATE"

"Remus we go through this every moth NO it will make you ill"

"SIRIUS ORIAN BLACK" Remus shouted pulling out his wand as Sirius did at the same time. They both stood across the room with their wands pointed out at each other having a stare off.

"Seriously Remus we go through this every moth you chance me around the common room trying to get chocolate then if you do you get ill and if you don't I get killed and why have we got are wands out we will get kicked out of Hogwarts if we do magic so..." he said as they both slowly put there wands away when out of nowhere Remus rugby tackled Sirius and before he knew it he was laid on the floor with a very smug looking werewolf sat on his stomach about to eat the chocolate bar when his mother marched over and snatched it out of his hand.

"Now after that rather amusing display I'll take this before you make yourself ill" she said marching into the kitchen. Sirius and Remus (who now looked like a kicked puppy) both looked up to see a lot of giggling Lupins and they both joined in with the laughing and then went up stairs to get changed. "Shall we go sort out the garage?" Sirius asked.

it was an hour before the transformation was due and Remus sat with Sirius in the garage. "I've put a strengthening charm on the inside and outside of all of the doors and a silencing charm" Nash said as Sirius and Remus stood in garage holding an old blanket and two old pillows each

"the whole room has been emptied so we will leave it to you now; Sirius its close now you should come with us" Delia said.

"Actually I always stay with Remus on full moons that's why he has been getting better" Sirius said with a half smile.

"What how?" Nash and Del gasped in unison.

"Well you see James Sirius and Peter are all illegal animagus' and they are also my pack, the wolf only recognises them as the pack in the animagus form so it doesn't hurt them" he smiled reaching out and holding Sirius' hand entwining their fingers. Del and Nash left the room and the moon rose. Heir sprouted out of Remus' arms then his legs and then the rest of his body like fiery hot needled. He screamed in pain as his arms and legs broke with a snap. He howled in agony as his spine snapped in two and he grew to the height of the wolf.

Remus awoke the next morning rapped in Sirius' arms. "Sirius? He said waking the sleeping boy up.

"Morning Remus, sorry let's take a look at you, how do you feel?" he asked taking the blanket off from around them to have a look at his boyfriends bruised body. "Wow I think this may be the best I've seen you; you have quite a deep cut on your leg and a couple on your back but I don't think anything is broken just a bit bruised can you stand up?" Sirius asked helping Remus up. Sirius made Remus rest for the day to let his cut heal and he bought him lots of chocolate and before they knew it they were back at school.

**So what did you think? let me know in the comments! **

**I think this is my favourite chapter so far.**

**I am now going to bed as I should have been asleep over an hour ago.**

**stay cool potter heads night xxx**

**update -**

**I forgot to mention at the end that I have a poll and that I would really appreciate it if you would answer it. all you have to do is go on my profile and at the top it should say that I have a poll. then just click on it and choose 3 choices on what you want to read next.**

**thanks to everyone for the ongoing support 3**


	7. Chapter 7 I Promise

**okay so I know it has been like FOREVER but things have been very hectic around here lately so thank you to everyone who is still reading it is apreshiated. **

**So normal things slash not J.K Rowling (although that would be awesome) don't like don't read larddy dardy da.**

**Chapter 7 **

**I Promise **

It was a cold night the moon hung in the sky as a cool march breeze pushed Sirius' long hair up from the very top of his broad shoulders. The full moon had just passed and Sirius sat having the first fag he had, had since the previous term smiling as he breathed in the calming toxic gasses. "Hey, I see your smoking again" Regules said quietly walking through the door to the tower and locking it behind him.

"Yeah just had a letter from mum reminding me yet again how much of a disappointment I am since I got Os in everything but history of magic what I got an E in" Sirius said roiling his eyes.

"Hay that's great Sirius I never have the hopes to do that well that's top marks" Regules beamed at his brother ask Sirius just simply pulled his legs up onto the freezing cold, stone bench put his fag out on the wall at the side of him and rested his head on the one at the back of him.

He took a breath before looking at his brother sadly and mumbling "yeah... but they love you".

Sirius, James, Remus and Peter had already got a detention as soon as they stepped off of the train as Peter didn't hide his alcohol well enough in his bag Remus hadn't hidden his fags well enough and James had his tie around his head and Sirius had all three and somehow managed to convince James that he and Remus had also had alcohol taken off them instead of fags as he would kill them. They sat in there detention sun slowly set. The winter seemed to be never ending and it had already snowed twice since they had come back to Hogwarts.

"Right I have decided that I can't be bothered any more so you are going to write lines and about everything you have done wrong this week and then you don't have to come to any detentions about what you have written understood?" McGonagall asked pacing the front of the classroom.

"Professor" Remus started racing his hand slightly "not that I have anything wrong with having all of our detentions taken away from this week, it's just... why?"

"I have had a very stressful week Mr. Lupin and wouldn't like to spend it with you four watching you scrub floors or clean toilets or right lines through my own time" she sighed sitting down in the chair.

"Aww Minnie what's wrong?" Sirius asked sympathetically.

"Well Sirius for one you just called me Minnie and two you aren't doing the work I set you for this detention so come on get on with it" she said with an annoyed tone to her voice.

Sirius Black

_**I must not call professor McGonagall Minnie.**_

_**I must not bring alcohol to school.**_

_**I must not bring fags to school.**_

_**I must not where my tie around my head.**_

_**I must not draw a moustache and glasses on Salazar Slytherin's face in the Slytherin common room.**_

_**I must not break into the Slytherin common room.**_

_**I must not rap James up like a birthday present and levitate him into the girl's dorms to spy on Evens.**_

_**I must not work out that you can get into the girl's dormitories by wingardiumleviosering yourself up the stairs or flying up them on a broom.**_

_**I must not glue Snape to the ceiling.**_

_**I must not glue Snape to the doors of the great hall.**_

_**I must not glue Snape to the roof of Gryffindor tower in the snow.**_

_**I must not glue Snape to the roof of Gryffindor tower in any weather.**_

_**I must not glue Snape to Hagrid.**_

_**I must not charm marshmallows into an army to take over Hogwarts.**_

_**I must not take over history of magic with my marshmallow army.**_

_**I must not dance to sex bomb shirtless with James stood on the table at breakfast.**_

_**I must not dance to sex bomb shirtless stood on the table with James at lunch.**_

_**I must not dance to sex bomb shirtless stood on the table with James at dinner.**_

_**I must not dance to sex bomb shirtless stood on the table with James in any lessons.**_

_**I must not dance to sex bomb shirtless with James stood on the teachers desk in any lessons. **_

Sirius sat with a smile on his face "Sirius what have you written to have a look like that give me your sheet" James said snatching it off of his friends desk "21. I must not leave a trail of chocolate from the library to my dorm so moony will have sex with me..."

"THAT NEVER HAPPNED" Remus said throwing his pencil case at Sirius' head.

"Your lives worry me" McGonagall said shaking her head.

It was 6am and Remus woke up to a very cold bed so he quickly got dressed grabbed the map and went looking for his warm boyfriend who seemed to abandon him in there bed to be left forever cold. "Hay I got your message what do you want its early?" he said walking onto the astronomy tower to find his brother stood smoking.

"I want to apologise in advance for hitting you with a bludger" Sirius laughed.

"Is that's what's wrong you are afraid you will hurt me today its quidich of course I will get hurt I'm a chaser and you're the best beater this school has got, I know we will lose Gryffindor haven't lost a game yet this year since you and Potter are so good on your brooms to be honest you have the best chaser best beater and best goal keeper that Wood dude of course you are going to win" Regules said a bit too infusiasticly.

"To be honest that's not what I'm afraid of I'm more afraid of what mum and dad will do to me if you get hurt because ether it's me who hurts you of not it will be all be put down to me" he said leaving Regules looking confused and then realising he had said too much.

"Anyway we don't have the best keeper in the school Remus is actually the best keeper but he won't try out he gets ill a lot and wouldn't be able to play while he's ill so he would feel like he is letting the team down but hay you should play quidditch with us some time, me, you, James and Remus against his cousins and uncle they wouldn't know what's hit them" Sirius laughed puffing out smoke from his cigarette.

"You know I really do hate you smoking" Regules said scrunching up his nose.

"Yeah but you know I only smoke when I'm stressed" Sirius said with a lopsided smile.

"I'm going to go before my dorm mates wake up and realise I'm gone" Regules said putting a hand on his brother's arm.

"Good luck today" Sirius said stubbing out his fag and pulling his brother into a hug.

"You to" Regules said into his brother shoulder.

Remus stayed outside of the door for a couple of minutes watching Regules walk away. Regules and Sirius could be twins for all people knew they looked so alike the only difference was that Sirius war a tiny bit of eyeliner and was taller with slightly longer hear. "Hay you" Remus said leaning against the door frame.

"Hay" Sirius sighed. Remus walked up to him and wrapped his arms around the black haired boy from behind and leaned his head on Sirius' shoulder.

"Don't get yourself too worked up it will be fine Gryffindor will win being lead to victory by you and James then we will all get hammered tonight on the alcohol we will steel from filches office that he convicted off of us at the beginning of the year" Remus smiled as Sirius moved his head around to kiss him on the cheek and then they walked hand in hand back up to the Gryffindor common room.

"Right I want a nice clean game from all of you" madam cliff said looking mainly to the big hairy captain of the Slytherin team never captains shook hands.

"Everyone remember the plan?" wood shouted to his team as he got determined nodes from each member.

"Right mount your brooms" cliff shouted. Sirius and Regules' eyes locked for a second wishing each other luck. The booming over voice of Olly Day came over the stadium saying his peace before the snitch was allowed to be relieved.

_**Wood and Mc Crow take their positions in goal as Black and Potter take their positions ready to be searching for the snitch. Wow two Blacks on the pitch today this is going to be a confusing but tense one folks. The beaters Sirius Black and Olivia Davis for Gryffindor, Darren Troff and Samuel Dias for Slytherin and the chasers for Gryffindor are Bethany Smith, Adam Johnson and Amy Lee Young and the Slytherin chasers Morgan Patricks, Collin Ward and Matthew Gray all mount there brooms on the ground waiting for the all okay. **_

Then there was a high pitch noise the start of the game.

_**The whistle is blown and the snitch is relieved. Amy Lee takes the quaffle for Gryffindor she passes to Black who passes to smith who passes to Johnson who scours a goal ten points to Gryffindor! **_

_**Black um Regules, wow that's going to be confusing, takes the quaffle and passes to Troff who gets hit in the face with a bludger by the other Black nice shot Sirius! **_

He shouted into the microphone receiving a scowl from McGonagall.

_**What's that I think Potter has seen the snitch now Blacks following Potter goes as fast as he can with black on his tail and HE'S GOT IT HE HAS COURT THE SNITCH GRYFINDOR WINS! Wow that was a short one with Black and Potter on the team will Gryffindor ever be beaten?.**_

Sirius, James, Remus and Peter where sat at breakfast the next day nurseling a hangover from the celebratory party the day before as there hangover potions hadn't quite kicked in yet when Peter pointed out a black owl heading their way.

"Sirius isn't that your mums owl?" he asked confused as he could swear the owl looked different but didn't know anyone with who owned an owl with feathers that dark.

"Fuck no that's my dad's" Sirius said getting a sympathetic look from his brother. "At least it won't be a howler" Sirius smiled picking up the green envelope and strolling out the hall like it was nothing and then heading for the shrieking shack. His mothers howlers where horrible but his father's letters never meant good news he knew he would have to hide somewhere but so no one saw him read it and knew this was the only safe place to go outside of Hogwarts and not get punished too badly for it.

_**Dear Sirius, You will be coming home for Easter and we will be spending it as a family you won't be permitted to leave the house for any reason at all until you have to go back to school this is punishment for your E in History Of Magic. You will not send any letters to your friends over the holiday and any letters you get you will not receive as your mother and will take them before you get to read them. You are such a facture of a son. Ye told you to make us proud and what do you do?... You do the complete opposite. We paid for the best tutors for you from the age of three and had you learning magic the first time you did accidental magic at the age of six and what happens you get put in Gryffindor for being 'brave' you're a Black for Merlin sake you should be power full not brave! You are a disappointment and a disgrace to the name of Black and if I could swap you and Regules over so he was born first I would in a blink of an eye so he could be the family heir. You're pathetic. I wish you were never born.**_

_**Orion Black**_

Delicate tears of pain rolled down Sirius' cheeks as he just read and reread the letter over and over again. You're a falter. You're a disappointment. You're a disgrace. I wish you were never born. Never born. Never born. Sirius' mother made him right lines with a special quill that cuts the words into where ever you touch on your body with it first when he was 'bad' but what she didn't know is that Sirius had stolen this quill and was now righting on a piece of paper with his own blood every word of his father's letter as the words wrapped around his leg and the blood poured like the gentle tears streaming down his face. Sirius looked slowly at his leg deciding that the blood running down it was in its own way beautiful. the only thing about him that could ever be beautiful.

Sirius managed to get to transfigurations just on time after taking a pain killer for his leg so he wouldn't limp. When everyone was in class McGonagall stood at the front to make an announcement.

"you will all have individual meetings with your head of house to discus and choose your options" she said as everyone sighed "you will be given your appointment slip tomorrow morning by your first lesson teacher" she explained then started the lesson.

"So Remus what do you want to do in the future?" McGonagall asked in that scary supportive teacher way as she and professor Cross, the mean Arithmancy teacher.

"I want to be an aura but I know my potions grades aren't good enough so I was also thinking about working for gringots in the ancient ruins and historical artefacts" Remus said happily. His smile faded though when he looked up and saw McGonagall's face.

"That seems like it would suet you and your grades very well" McGonagall said looking down sadly.

"What's wrong?..." Remus asked confused.

"Just tell the boy Minerva" cross said angrily his name really soot his personality.

"Tell me what?"

"Nothing Remus dear."

"TELL HIM."

"NO."

"Tell me what?"

A devious smile came across cross' face "you will never get a job in the wizarding world you are a werewolf there is a great big red stamp that goes on your CV so they know to throw it strait in the bin with the rest of the ones that they ever can't read or from a first glance know is unsuitable" Cross spat with hatred.

"Is this true?" Remus whispered his heart sinking the sadness inside him slowly bringing out the anger of the wolf he had spent a life time building up defences against.

"Yes" she whispered back hardly lifting her head to avoid looking him in the eye.

"THEN WHY AM I EVEN HEAR?" he shouted standing up so fast the chair when flying from underneath him and into the wall shattering into pieces.

"Remus are you okay" Peter asked as a fuming Remus walked into their dorm and punched a post of his bed in half.

"WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT WHY AM I HEAR I'LL NEVER DO ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD SO WHY THE FUCK DID DUMBLEDORE EVEN LET A MONSTER LIKE ME WALK INTO THE THIS SCHOOL WHEN I WONT EVEN BE ALOUD TO WALK INTO A JOB BECAUSE NO ONE WILL FUCKING GIVE ME ONE AS THERE IS A GRATE BIG FUCKING **WEREWOLF STAMP ON MY CV" **Remus shouted at the top of his lungs then punched a hole in the window "WONT FUCKING NEED ANY OF THESES ANY MORE" he said still shouting and started toughing his books out of the hole in the window and then his essays and quills and every wizarding object he could see. Remus picked up his wand and Peter ran in front of him.

"Remus you can through, brake and defenestrate whatever you want but just promise me you won't through, brake and defenestrate your wand" Peter said bravely.

"Fine" he said smiling slyly. Sirius and James where in the common room talking to Lily when they heard a sudden yelp. They looked at each other worried and ran up to their dorm room where they could a very angry looking Remus and Peters bum and legs hanging through the window stuck. Sirius quickly stood in front of Remus and James stood behind him like they did on a full moon when the wolf took too much controlee. Suddenly Remus burst into tears flopping into Sirius arms and James managed to prise Peters but out of the window. "Accio" Sirius said with a flick of his wand and all of Remus' stuff he had defenestrated was now back neatly in the room. James and Peter where whent down stairs leaving Remus curled up in Sirius' arms on the newly recently bed.

"What am I doing here, if I'm never going to get a job and be able to support you" Remus sobbed into Sirius' shirt.

"Shhhh its okay moony everything will be fine I promise".

**I know it is exactaly a month since I last updated so yeah sorry. My laptop hasn't been turned on in 2 weeks and I had mentle wrighters block for like 2 weeks but now it is cured and chapter 15 is nearly finished being written.**

**I hope you enjoyed it if so please leave me a comment it is very opreshiated.**

**1 week left f school so I shall have lots of time to wright fanfiction.**

**also go check out hpandthemaraudersrock (my amazing sister, Leos stories) maraudersmarshmallowarmy (mine and Leos joint stories) Loulou98 (the lovely little Lexine's stories that get written in maths) Shadowhunting-Mischief ( the brilliant Tara who's stories are brilliant)**

**please leave me no hate I am dyslexic so annoyed with spelling or grammar deal with it!**

**I hope you enjoyed it my little cupcakes stay cool.**


	8. Chapter 8 A Very Eventful Summer

**hey guys I know it has been a while and to make up for the late uploads I'm going to put a sneek peak of chapter 9 A Shattered Dream it is one of my favorates so enjoy**

**this is just a short one and all of the usual stuff not jk lots of slash so on so forth! **

**so yeah enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 8 ****A Very Eventful Summer**

Remus woke up with a sigh. Another morning without his padfoot. He pulled Sirius' black queen shirt, which he was wearing, up to his face to breathe in the intoxicating smell of his boyfriend before trudging down stairs for breakfast. Remus entered the kitchen to be greeted by the group of very happy morning people family he called a family. Now don't get him wrong Remus is normally a morning person but waking up without Sirius at his side makes Remus a very grumpy werewolf. "Morning" his mother chimed kissing Remus on the head as he sat down at the kitchen table next to his cousins and aunt who were all eating eggs bacon and toast while sipping orange or apple juice.

"You okay love?" his mother asked him setting a mug of coffee down in front of him.

"Hmmmm" he replied nodding while holding his head in his hands.

"Wow someone got out the wrong side of the bed" Adam said under his breath.

"Never knew you liked queen" Eddy pointed out casually.

Rouge sighed. "What's wrong?" she said sympathetically walking over to Remus and sitting on his lap wile wrapping her arms around her cousins' neck.

"Miss Sirius" Remus replied into rouges shoulder hugging the small but extremely mature girl back.

"Wow you two are really serious" Chris said sitting down at the table tucking into his bacon as rouge stood up from her cousins knee and walked over to the other side of the kitchen to get more orange juice.

"I'm a werewolf I mate for life and if my mate dies so do I; I only fall in love once and when I do it last for ever... he's my soul mate" Remus said with a goofy smile on his face and everyone stared at him in amazement "what was I the only one who knew this...? but any way the up side of that is... I know he loves me as much as I love him. Wow I was really hoping I wouldn't be the next Lupin to hate waking up every morning because there not waking up next to the one they love" Remus sighed putting his head in his hands shooting three sympathetic smiles.

"Well hay" Aunt Nash said cheerfully putting an arm around Remus sitting on his lap "at least you know you will be waking up next to yours again soon right?" she said picking up Remus' coffee and heading upstairs.

"DID YOU JUST SIT ON MY KNEE TO STEAL MY COFFEE?" Remus shouted from the kitchen up the stairs.

"YUP!"

* * *

"Remus...? Remus...? you there?" a voice called.

"Hay Sirius I don't have much time to talk I've got work but you can pop by and see me it's the new café in Diagon Alley my Uncle Eddy owns it it's like an artist café its grate you would love it" Remus said talking to Sirius through their mirrors "I really can't wait to go back to Hogwarts breakfast was so weird today" Remus said then telling Sirius about breakfast.

"So what happened to them?" Sirius asked.

"Well with my mum you know about my dad... she still loves him, my aunt Rachel was killed by death eaters last year in her home in Paris while Eddy and the kids were out at school and work that's why they moved back over hear... and aunt Nash- she was completely and utterly in love and one day she came home after a mission and found him in bed with another woman. She loved him so much that she took him back. It happened three more times but she was so totally in love every time she took him back. Then one day she came home from another mission to find him raping a thirteen year old girl on their bed. And then she saw it... the dark mark. She had told him things. Things about her missions. She was so in love she was blinded by the dangers and ended up helping voldermort by doing this. She felt like a traitor. She tried to resign but she was told by moody that he wouldn't let her because it was no sin to be in love... she hates herself even now for it. And worse of all... she was the reason why the love of her life is now banged up in Azkaban and the last words he said to her was that she was his mission. Soon though the mission whent wrong he made the mistake he was told he would be killed if he did. He fell in love with her."

* * *

"Hay Remus" Sirius said sitting down at the breakfast bar in the small cafe down Diagon Alley

"SIRI" Remus shouted shoving his pen behind his ear and book in his trouser pocket and running across the restaurant and kissing his boyfriend passionately.

"OI you two I have customers you need to be serving!"

"Sorry uncle eddy" Remus shouted back.

"I've missed you" he whispered kissing Sirius softly on the cheek.

"So how did you manage to get out of the house?" Remus asked.

"Same old way climbed down the tree next to my window" Sirius said taking a sip of the coffee Remus had just sat down in front of him.

"You know my uncle wanted me to ask you if you wanted to be the chef?" Remus asked looking at Sirius with a hopeful expression.

Sirius took Remus' hands in his own and kissed them. "You know I can't if my parents find me out of the house now you have no idea how much trouble I will be in."

"Okay" Remus whispered with a small smile.

"Remus can you serve table 14 and Mrs. Pats on table 9 please?"

"okay" Remus said before leaning across the counter to gab Sirius' shirt and pull him towards him. "I love you" he whispered before kissing Sirius softly on the lips and looking him in the eyes with a loving smile.

"You too" Sirius grinned back.

"Good afternoon Mrs. Pats how are you today?"

"I'm good thank you I would ask but by your little display I'm guessing your good" the old lady chuckled and Remus grinned and looked over to Sirius who was deep into a drawing he was doing

"Yeah" he sighed in that teenage girl way "he is amazing and the art work he does uncle eddy wants to put a peace up in hear I think he is going to ask him today but yeah any way I'm guessing a pot of tea with a raspberry scone?"

"You know me too well Remus dear" the old lady smiled.

Remus put the order up before walking over to Sirius and rapping his arms around the sat down boys waits and resting his head on his shoulder "is that me?" Remus asked a grin forming on his face.

"yeah what do you think? Sirius asked holding up the picture in front of him and Remus.

"it's brilliant... I'm just going to serve table 14 and then I have a brake" Remus smiled before kissing Sirius on the cheek.

A tall lean looking man with who was wearing a black suet with hair almost the same shade as Remus' golden had sat at the table with a beautiful young woman who was very petite and had long brown waive locks and kind light brown eyes.

"hello are you ready to order?" Remus asked.

"Oh yes please I would like a glass of lemon water and the Cesar salad please and what are you having darling?" the beautiful woman said

"I will have a Wight coffee and a chicken and bacon sandwich please" the man said handing Remus the menus.

"Good choice Remus smiled as he took the menus and whent into the kitchen followed by Sirius. Remus wasn't allowed to take his brake as the lunch rush had just started.

* * *

"I hope you enjoyed you meal" Remus said to the petite woman as he took the plates "would you like the desert menu or just the bill"

"Just the bill please" the man said so Remus took the plates into the kitchen and came back with the till. "That's 8 galleons 3 sickles and 4 nuts please" Remus said "hear you go keep 2 galleons for yourself as a tip, John Lupin" the man said sticking out his hand. Remus dropped everything. The coins slipped out of his hand so simply just like the memories that slipped in.

The long grass swayed in the warm summer breeze outside of the window as two big hands grabbed the small boy from behind lifting him up into a safe hug and the tall man whispered the three words every child should hear 'I love you'. Remus giggled as his dad smiled at him lovingly and kissed him on the head and put him to bed. But then the scene changed and Remus was laid in a hospitle bed hugging his teddy in the shape of a puppy. The dark room sent shadows across the walls but all Remus could concentrate on was the words he heard his dad shout 'I WILL NEVER HAVE A MONSTER FOR A SON. HE IS NOTHING TO ME'

The loud clatter of the huge coins brought Remus back to realisation tears where streaming down his cheeks as he looked at the man with pained eyes.

"Remus are you okay?" Sirius said walking towards Remus and placing a hand on the boys shoulder.

"JOHN" Eddy shouted from across the room and ran food "what I'm confused?" Sirius said. Remus looked up into the man's eyes tears staining his cheeks.

"dad?"

"dad?"

"dad?"

"Remus"

"John"

"wait he's your son" the petite woman shouted.

"Amy I can explain."

"_You_ I told you to near com near us again you left without a second word how could you do that to Del you never even divorced her."

"YOUR MARRIED!?"

"that woman is a saint you know she gave a bed to me and my family and our sister has lived with her ever since you left."

"dad... why?"

"you are the SELFISH LITTLE BASTERED WHO WALKED OUT ON MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND BECAUSE OF YOUR PREDGUDIST LITTLE THOUGHTS HE WAS THREE GOING THOUGH THE WORST TIME OF HIS LIFE AND YOU JUST UP AND LEFT YOUR OWN SON" Sirius screamed at the top of his voice then pulled out his wand and put it to the man's through "you make me sick" the spat.

"Sirius don't you will be expelled" Remus said puting a hand on Sirius sholder.

"I'm a Black they wouldn't dare I can just pay my way back you know what my family is like and it would be worth it so worth it because he deserves it"

"I know but you cant... you wont..."

"why wont I"

"because I asked you not to"

"I can _reducto_" John whent flying across the room and out of the open door and Remus curled into Sirius and hugged him tight while sobbing into his shoulder.

* * *

**I know it was only short but I have just managed to finish chapter 15 so that should be on its way soon and me and leo are wrighting a new fanfic on our joint acount **_**themaraudersmarshmallowarmy**_** so go check that out**

**also I just want to stop any confusion on this bit**

(Remus)"dad?"

(Sirius) "dad?"

(remus' cousins) "dad?"

(John) "Remus"

(eddy) "John"

(Amy the young beautiful woman) "wait he's your son" the petite woman shouted.

(John) "Amy I can explain."

(Eddy)"_You_ I told you to near com near us again you left without a second word how could you do that to Del you never even divorced her."

(Amy) "YOUR MARRIED!?"

(Eddy) "that woman is a saint you know she gave a bed to me and my family and our sister has lived with her ever since you left."

(Remus)"dad... why?"

**stay cool guys!**

* * *

**Chapter 9 ****A Shattered Dream**

Sirius sat down in the commune room with a huff. It was now the start of their 4th year and Sirius came back to school looking worse than ever. "bad day?" James asked. and Sirius just looked at him with a half smile. "I don't know what you three are complaining about transfigurations, DADA, COMC, charms, herbolagy, history of magic, and

Astronomy we all take together then you three take divanation and I take ancient ruins" Remus said in a mannor of factual way. "yes but I now have to take ancient ruins as well on the side and I'm taking

extra-curricular art and cooking where I'm the only guy and constantly have girls around me showing me 'how good they are at art' or 'oh Sirius does this have too much salt?' this reminds me why I'm gay" he said hugging Remus. "do you want me to go moony on them?" "nahh ill just show them a picture I have drawn to make them cry but then I'm afraid they will sit and tell me how good of a drawer or how good of a cook I am... how did McGonagall talk me into this?". Septembers and Octobers full moon which passed easily before the half term holidays. They were all sat at breakfast as owls came swooping in dropping post from their parents asking whether they are going home or not over the half term and Sirius' telling him he better not go home. Suddenly a small owl came flying in and landed on Sirius' head. "Chippy" he said enthusiastically taking the small bird off his head and took the letter. "He may be small but don't let that fool you he is actually five years old but just never grew and he is stronger than a phoenix but just a bit slow" he smiled looking at the small bird feeding it some bread off of his plate. "Whose owl is he?" James asked. "Uncle Alphard's" Sirius replied happily. "Why did he call him chippy?" Remus asked steeling one of Sirius' hash browns. "Because like you" he started elbowing Remus playfully in the rib "he was given to my uncle Alphard while he was eating some chips he had grabbed from the local chippy for tea as he couldn't be bothered to cook after work but any way when he turned around he found Chippy eating all of the chips" Sirius laughed and then started to read the letter.

_**Dear Sirius how are you? I haven't seen you since the family Christmas party. I know it wasn't that long ago but it feels it to an old man (as you keep reminding me I am). I hope school is going well and you have been keeping on top of your work. I also hope you haven't been court doing too many pranks as what would be the fun in asking you to stop doing them when I get to hear about the look on Malfoy's face! How would you and your friends like to come and stay at my 'manor' over half term? Let me know when you can if you and your friends can come.**_

_**Love Uncle Alphard **_

_**P.S. sorry if Chippy arrived through lunch and you where eating chips but if he did just send him to Malfoy and get a picture of his face for me. **_


	9. Chapter 9 A Shattered Dream

**Hey guys! I know it has been a wile but I have been away on holiday so don't judge me!**

**I love this chapter it is my favourite as you get to see the hardships and love in Sirius' life.**

**I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS BY NOW!**

**TRIGGER WARNING!**

**Chapter 9 ****A Shattered Dream**

Sirius sat down in the commune room with a huff. It was now the start of their 4th year and Sirius came back to school looking worse than ever.

"Bad day?" Peter asked.

Sirius just looked at him with a half smile.

"I don't know what you three are complaining about transfigurations, DADA, COMC, charms, herbolagy, history of magic, and

Astronomy we all take together then you three take divination and I take ancient ruins" Remus said in a mannor of factual way.

"Yes but I now have to take ancient ruins as well on the side and I'm taking

extra-curricular art and cooking where I'm the only guy and constantly have girls around me showing me 'how good they are at art' or 'oh Sirius does this have too much salt?' this reminds me why I'm gay" he said hugging Remus.

"Bo you want me to go moony on them?"

"Nahh ill just show them a picture I have drawn to make them cry but then I'm afraid they will sit and tell me how good of a drawer or how good of a cook I am... how did McGonagall talk me into this?"

"Because that woman could persuade a hippogriff to date Snape" James said as they all chuckled.

"Or I could just walk in hand in hand with my incredibly sexy werewolf boyfriend" Sirius said running fingers through Remus' hair.

"Yeah and who would that be?" Remus asked raising an eyebrow and leaning in for a kiss.

Sirius smiled as Remus now began to kiss the soft spot on his neck between his jaw that he knew Sirius loved "oh just this werewolf I met over the summer his name was jasper" Sirius smirked as Remus looked at him and pushed him off the sofa.

"Get a room" lily smiled at the two.

"Okay but we are going to have sex on James' bed" Sirius smiled as he dragged Remus up stairs and James chaced after.

"MY ARSE YOUR HAVEING SEX ON MY BED!"

* * *

Septembers and Octobers full moon which passed easily before the half term holidays. They were all sat at breakfast as owls came swooping in dropping post from their parents asking whether they are going home or not over the half term and Sirius' telling him he better not go home. Suddenly a small owl came flying in and landed on Sirius' head. "Chippy" he said enthusiastically taking the small bird off his head and took the letter. "He may be small but don't let that fool you he is actually five years old but just never grew and he is stronger than a phoenix but just a bit slow" he smiled looking at the small bird feeding it some bread off of his plate.

"Whose owl is he?" James asked.

"Uncle Alphard's" Sirius replied happily.

"Why did he call him chippy?" Remus asked steeling one of Sirius' hash browns.

"Because like you" he started elbowing Remus playfully in the rib "he was given to my uncle Alphard while he was eating some chips he had grabbed from the local chippy for tea as he couldn't be bothered to cook after work but any way when he turned around he found Chippy eating all of the chips" Sirius laughed and then started to read the letter.

_**Dear Sirius **_

_**How are you? I haven't seen you since the family Christmas party. I know it wasn't that long ago but it feels it to an old man (as you keep reminding me I am). I hope school is going well and you have been keeping on top of your work. I also hope you haven't been court doing too many pranks as what would be the fun in asking you to stop doing them when I get to hear about the look on Malfoy's face! How would you and your friends like to come and stay at my 'manor' over half term? Let me know when you can if you and your friends can come.**_

_**Love Uncle Alphard **_

_**P.S. sorry if Chippy arrived through lunch and you where eating chips but if he did just send him to Malfoy and get a picture of his face for me. **_

"How would you guys like to stay at my uncle's house with me over the holidays?"

* * *

They all got off the train at platform nine and three quarters and said good bye to Peter who was going on holiday to Germany to visit relatives.

"Sirius" they heard a voice shout when they looked up they saw a grown up version of Sirius.

"Is that your dad or your uncle?" Remus laughed.

"Uncle Alphard I would like to introduce you to Remus Lupin" Sirius said as the two shook hands "and you of course know James."

"Since we are related I would hope so."

"Well I didn't until school."

"Yes but I knew the Potters before you were born."

"Wait you and James are related" Remus said realising they were already at the car but not actually being able to remember when they started walking.

"Yes James is my granddads, uncles, third wife's, daughters, cousin, grandchild's, son" Sirius said as him and James laughed.

"All pure blood families are related me and Sirius are also related to the Weaselys the Malfoys Crabb and Goyal the Lestranges need I go on?" James said getting into the car. Five minutes later they were all in a dark underground car park in the centre of London where they all aparated into the apartment with their luggage.

"You said he lives in a house" James stuttered looking at the huge room they where stood in.

"Yeah it's a pent-'house'" Sirius laughed

"I like to call it 'my manor' as I'm the only one in the family without an actual manor" Alphard laughed

"Alf should I show the guys to our room?" Sirius asked as his uncle nodded. "Before you ask we call him Alf because of this old muggle TV show called Alf. It was about this weird alien that looks like an ant eater and eats cats... basically Alf stands for alien life form that's why the alien was called Alf. And it use to be my uncles favourite show so we call him Alf" Sirius said walking up to the stairs and leading them into the spare room where they all dumped their stuff and went back down stairs to meet Alphard.

"Oi Sirius it's your turn to make dinner" Alphard said with a grin on his face.

"Are you sure the only reason that you get me around here is so you can eat a decent meal?" Sirius laughed.

"You cook?" James asked.

"Ahh Jamesey boy there is many untold mysteries to the great Sirius Black" he laughed.

"Yeah for instance did you know he draws" Alf said over his shoulder.

"Oh yeah I found he's amazing" Remus smiled.

"You draw?" James said gob smacked at how little he knew about his best friend.

"How don't I know all this stuff and he does I'm meant to be your brother?"

"He should know more then you" Sirius laughed.

"Why?" James asked

"Because I'm his boyfriend" Remus said quietly trying not to blush.

"So?!" James said as Sirius and James then started to playfully argue. Remus noticed Alphard just sat smiling away in the corner of the room and wondered _'why unlike all the other Blacks is he okay with this? Why does he accept Sirius so much? Almost like a farther'_.

Suddenly there was a small pop and a man appeared in the middle of the living room holding shopping bags "Craig" Sirius said going to give the large man a hug "guys this is Craig uncle Alf's partner".

"Hello" he smiled "I'll go put Sirius' ingredients in the kitchen" he said leaning over to kiss Alf on the cheek.

"I knew I was only here to cook for you two" Sirius shouted walking into the kitchen to see what he was cooking. Everything then seemed to slide into place for Remus. He saw Sirius' smile and the fun banter he had and realised theses where the parents he never had yet then didn't understand why he never left his home to come and live here. Alf and Craig reminded Remus of Sirius and himself and made him think if that's what they would be like in the future Alphard looked like a taller muscle version of Sirius and Craig had brown hair and green eyes and was taller than Alphard and not as musclely but still had a good pair of biceps on him what made Remus wonder if that is what he would look like if he was never bitten as his eyes had only turned golden when he was before they where green. It was the mark of the wolf. "Remus" Sirius said breaking him from his thoughts "Is pizza okay?"

"Yeah sure" he smiled as Sirius and his uncle went through to the kitchen to start cooking and using a charm to make the bred cook faster.

"So how was Christmas I mean I saw you but we didn't really get time to talk at the party" Alf asked.

"Fine" Sirius replied quietly chopping peppers to put on his pizza as Alphard finished charming the brad ready and started covering it in the cheese souse Sirius had just finished making.

"I don't know why you stay there just move out that old bat touches you."

"I know it's just I don't know I guess I'm just too afraid of completely losing my family I mean I'll always have you I just wana manage to pull off never being blown off the tree like you and then I'll also get the inheritance" he laughed.

"Ahh so just after the money hum there is always that bit of Black in all of us" they laughed.

"How did you manage winter at school you know after what happened the other year?"

"It was fine I mean I hexed a few first years for throwing snow at me and had some nightmares about it but it was fine I'll get over it."

"Sirius you can always talk to me or Craig or James and especially Remus I mean do they even know about it?" Alphard said stopping what he was doing to turn to Sirius.

"No and I'm not telling them I was stuck under an avalanche because my parents threatened to kill me if I didn't get home because they changed my curfew without me knowing... any way they all have enough on their plates and so do you and Craig with the war and the order of the phoenix you just need to stop worrying about me and concentrate on staying safe if you die... if you die... I'll have no family left."

"Come here" Alf said pulling Sirius into a tight hug "why are you so strong... I mean it's a good quality to have... stay strong because I'll always be with you... in your heart- remember that Sirius".

* * *

The week flew past and they all had a great time and the next thing they knew they were back at Hogwarts eating breakfast.

"I never thought I would say this but I actually miss your cooking Sirius" James laughed as Peter looked confused and Lily came and sat down next to them.

"You cook?" Lily asked amazed.

"Yeah apparently James wants the whole school to know"

"Hay Evens wana come to hogsmeet this weekend with me?" James asked.

"I would but I don't want to catch what makes your head so big" she said with a smirk.

"See but that's why I'm such an amazing quidich player because my big head doesn't weigh myself down" he smiled watching her laugh as the post arrived. The daily profit landed in front of Sirius. He fed his owl, Bobo, a piece of bread off of his plate and started to read the daily profit. "_Just a game of chess by Rita Skeeter, is this a war we are in or just a game of chess is Dumbledore just using auras as pawns in this game with he who must not be named and is he just as bad as him_... what the hell does she think she's saying Dumbledore doesn't controlee the auras the head of auras Benedict Murray does and any one in the A.O.T.P gets to chose if they want to go on a mission or not" he said frustrated at the newspaper article

"What's A.O.T.P?" Remus asked.

"The Order of the Phoenix it's a secret society Dumbledore started its full of auras and other people over the age of twenty five who fight death eaters" Sirius said quietly "my uncle is part of it, it's sort of like Dumbledore's death eaters but they get to chose their missions and they fight for good".

"Mr. Black may I talk to you please?" Dumbledore said.

"Yes of course sir what can I help you with".

"It may be better if we join your brother in my office."

"My brother what's happened?"

"If you would please follow me" Dumbledore said leading Sirius out of the hall as everyone watched.

"Would you mind taking a seat" Dumbledore said.

"Professor what's this about?" Regules asked as Sirius sat down.

"I have some bad news for you, I'm sorry to inform you that your uncle was on a mission last night for the order of the phoenix where he was ambushed by a group of death eaters. He was submitted to St Mugos where I'm sorry to say he didn't last the night." Sirius was gob smacked he didn't know what to do or say. He had lost the man who had been a father and mother to him the whole of his life when his own parents weren't.

"The funeral will be next Sunday and Mr Potter and Mr Lupin are invited since they both knew your uncle."

"Thank you sir" Regules said standing up and walking to the door noticing Sirius had not moved a muscle since they were told the news "Sirius?" he asked

"But... but he can't he told me he would stay safe he promised. Why... why did you let him go out on his own if he was with someone he would be safe now he would be fine" Sirius said quietly looking at his hands.

"Mr Black your Uncle was with others but he decided to investigate something alone for the safety of his team, he saved many lives. I know this news is hard to take so if you wish I have informed your teachers that you do not have to go to your lessons today" Dumbledore said to the two boys as Sirius slowly stood up and started walking to the door.

"Who where the death eaters?" Sirius said turning around as Regules walked out of the door.

"Sirius I don't think you should-,"

"it was them wasn't it my parents,"

"Sirius I never said-"

"exactly god I fucking hate my family... they always take away everything I love" Sirius said tears welling up in his eyes and walking towords the door as Dumbledore sat down in his chair rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"It was them wasn't it? My parents told me that to become a death eater you have to prove yourself like killing a member of your family... like a brother... my dad's brother - it was them"

Dumbledore didn't say a word. He knew he couldn't keep the truth from Sirius when he already knew it. He just watched the grief struck young boy walk out the room. Sporting tears that would never stop.

* * *

"Are you okay Sirius?" Regules asked worried as he watched his brother walk towards him down the spiral staircase where he stood in the middle waiting for Sirius. "I know I wasn't very close to uncle Alphard but I know he was like a second father to you so I know you're hurting and-"

"I'm fine Reg honestly I'm fine I'm going to class" Sirius said cutting him off and walking to class lighting up a fag on his way.

* * *

"Sorry I'm late professor" Sirius said walking into the class room.

"That's fine Mr black we will talk about it after lesson please take your seat" Professor Bins said as Sirius walked to the back of the room to take his seat and sat in silence next to Remus.

"What happened?" Remus asked.

"Nothing" Sirius replied,

"Yes it has... you have been smoking" Sirius looked at Remus with a confused look on his face

"You can use all the spells you like to cover it up but you will never get anything passed my nose" Remus smiled at Sirius who smiled back but Remus could see the pain in his eyes and it worried him.

* * *

They all sat in the common room after dinner "Hey Evens" James said as Lily came to sit down next to them.

"Hello boys how are you" she asked everyone "where's Sirius I didn't see him a dinner?"

He was asked to stay behind in transfigurations and we haven't seen him since we guessed that Minnie has got him cleaning the loos" James said,

"Remus don't you even know where he is he is your boyfriend after all" Lily said to an obviously worried Remus.

"Wait how do you know about that" James asked,

"I've known for a long time James, Remus and I are closer then you think" she laughed.

"Right I give up where's the map?" Remus said standing up and taking it off of Peter when he handed it to him.

"There he is just leaving the astronomy tower" Peter said pointing at the little moving feet marked Sirius Black.

Five minutes later he was walking through the room going up to their dorm and was followed by very curios Remus.

"Sirius where have you been you missed dinner?" Remus asked rapping his arms around Sirius and kissing his neck.

"You're really hot why don't you take your jacket off?" Sirius asked.

"Because I'm wherein a short sleeved shirt and I hate my scars you know that and way you're avoiding my question" Remus said with his eyebrows raised.

"Astronomy tower",

"Thought so I could smell it on you... did you get in a fight?",

"No why?"

"I thought I could smell blood that's all"

"Oh" Sirius said gripping his wrist "I cut my finger on a sharp bit of wood on the banister on the way up the stair" he said quickly.

"Oh do you want me to take a look at it for you?" Remus asked

"No its okay ill go clean it now and get changed it is already eleven O'clock" he said walking into the bathroom followed by Remus holding both his and Sirius' pyjamas then handing them to him. Sirius took the chequered pyjama bottoms and black top of Remus as he watched him climb into one of the gleaming white shower cubicle so he could un-bandage and clean his wrists then magically cleaned the blood off of the other bandage wrapping it back around his wrists then changed into his PJ's. He looked at his scar covered body and thought how selfish he was. How the most wonderful man in the world to him has no choice weather his body is covered in scars what he thinks are ugly yet he had the choice to make his body ugly and scared and he did it not caring about the consequences.

"You know Remus I... I understand why you never let me see your scars... why you don't like them",

"Sirius you will never understand but thank you for trying because that's all I could ask of anyone" Remus smiled and hugged the smaller but broader boy and kissed him on the head "come on lets go to bed" Remus said leading Sirius to his bed and they fell asleep entangled in each other's arms.

* * *

James was pissed off. Sirius had been upset and just moped about and sat on the windowsill drawing ever since he came back from Dumbledore office four days ago so when he walked in the room and saw Sirius with his legs dangling out of the window looking at something in his hands, he lost it.

"Sirius" he said anger creeping up in his voice.

"Hey Prongsy" Sirius crocked then sniffed quietly.

"God would you fucking cheer up I don't know what's wrong with you but you can bloody pack it in its really starting to piss me off" he snapped.

"I'm sorry its just-" he said getting cut off.

"stop sounding so fucking gormless and would it kill you to look at me when we are talking! Let me guess mummy and daddy have gone and said something again boo hoo Sirius get a fucking life we all have problems" James shouted.

"What the actual fuck James you have no idea I wouldn't class getting rejected from evens a life problem and you have no idea what it feels _like 'oh mummy and daddy have done something again'_ well _**fuck **_you at least you have a family who love you at least your parents give a crap my parents don't love me they might love Reg but they don't love me and you want to know why Reg is so normal and not so well Slitherin like the rest of them hmm well its because _**I**_ brought him up I was the one who cared for him but I don't have any one who cared for me left why do you think I always leg it when I have a howler because _**MY PARENTS DON'T FUCKING LOVE ME!**_... you have _**no**_ idea"

* * *

The week went slow Sirius slowly stopped talking to everyone and stopped eating anything at all. All he did was sit drawing on the windowsill in the dorm room. Sirius got up from the old window sill and looked through his trunk for some more pencils and anougher rubber when he came over a letter from his uncle Alphard he had received when he first started the order of the phoenix six months ago. He took the slightly crumpled letter and sat on his bed and slowly peeled back the torn red envelope and pulled out the parchment inside and read his uncles curly righting that reminded him so much of Remus'.

_**Dear Sirius **_

_**If you're reading this I guess it means I'm dead. First I want to apologise I promised you I would stay alive and never leave you but I did so I'm sorry. Remember when you first came to stay at my house when you where eight and I taught you how to cook lasagne and then after we made chocolate cake. You where so good at it that Craig and I got you to cook whenever you came round ever since. I love you Sirius, with all my heart. You where the son I never had and the thought that I have left you breaks my heart.**_

_**Enclosed with this is a copy of my will so when they come to talk to out about it you will know if they have left anything out but I'm leaving the house all of my money and everything to you. Don't worry about Craig he has his own house on the other side of London for when he has been on business trips and stuff. So yeah you now own everything... as soon as you turn seventeen. **_

_**I've also enclosed a photograph of that time we cooked lasagne and chocolate cake I thought you should have it.**_

_**Love you always and this time I relay hope I won't see you soon... stay strong **_

_**Uncle Alphard **_

_**P.S don't feel too helpless remember I will always be with you... in your heart. **_

Sirius couldn't handle it anymore and just let the tears flow and flow as he sat looking at the picture of his uncle putting chocolate cake mixture on his little eight year old nose. He looked so young and innocent with his uncle and guessed when they were together he always was... innocent because at home all of that had been driven out of him from the abuse his parents had given him. And now they had shown him the greatest unkindness possible and taken away the only person he had who genuinely cared for him like a farther. They had killed him. Sirius grabbed the knife and ran into the bathroom looking t his reflection in the mirror. He took his knife and dug it deep into his flesh deeper and deeper. The crimson blood swirled down his legs, arms, hips, wrists. It looked so beautiful the only beautiful thing he could see about him. Then those painful words came back to him. Every painful word said to him by his family and the blood was no longer beautiful it was dirty and discussing just like him.

"No please just go away please, please" he cried cutting harder and deeper trying to wash it away. Then it worked. Sirius slowly fell deeper and deeper into darkness the photo and letter still clutched in his hand.

* * *

"We should probably check on Sirius in the dorm" Remus said holding a box of chocolates he had bought for his boyfriend in Hogsmeet.

"Yeah I wonder what has been up with him reasently he is never usually like this" James said at the bottom of the stairs leading up to Gryffindor's tower.

"I know it is very strange" Peter squeaked.

They got into the common room when Remus' eyes widened "guys I smell blood and lots of it coming from our dorm room Remus said as they all ran up the stairs to fine a blood covered Sirius collapsed on the floor in the bathroom.

"Oh my god" Remus breathed tears swelling in his eyes. He and James sent a patronus each one to madam Pompfree and one to Dumbledore saying to come quick. The two teachers arrived gobsmacked at the scene and took Sirius straight to the hospital wing.

* * *

"Right guys I'm going to the kitchens to get something to eat do you want anything?" Peter asked as he stood up and walked out of the hospital wing when a very worried and distressed James and Remus just simply shook their heads. The two boys couldn't believe their eyes as he stood in the hospital wing of staring at their lifeless best friend who laid rapped in blood stained bandages. The cold breeze of March came through the window blowing onto Remus' face as he sat on the window ledge. James walked up to him closing the window and putting an arm over his shoulder and Remus hugged him tight.

"James" Remus whispered into his shoulder "is this what it's like, I mean when I transform is it this painful watching me recover",

"I don't know" he replied,

"I guess the only difference is, we all know you will recover but when it comes to padfoot... I don't know if he will be strong enough" James said trying to hold back the tears that threatened to roll down his cheeks.

"Don't... don't say that- don't tell me the one I love is going to die even before I've had a chance to tell him that, to tell how much I love him" Remus said the tears finally becoming too much to control as James sat next to him on the ledge holding him tight.

"Don't worry Remus he won't go without a fight... I won't let him".

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Lupin" Dumbledore said standing in front of the two crying boys "I think it's right to assume that Mr. Black never informed you of the current situation?"

"No sir what do you mean?" James asked

"Alphard Black died on exactly a week ago today I informed Mr. Black about it on Monday morning it seems that ever since he got the news he had gone into a deep state of depression but some of the scars on his body suggest that this isn't the first time he had hurt himself" Dumbledore said standing up and leaving the James sat with his arms around Remus who and fallen to pieces in a wave of uncontrollable tears. A few hours later everyone except Remus had gone to sleep. Remus and James decided to sleep in the hospital wing so if anything happened they would be the first to know but of course Remus couldn't sleep he just sat in the old wooden chair that he had transfigured into a warm squishy brown leather arm chair, like the ones in the common room what can fit two people in what made it great for sleeping in, next to the bed with a warm blanket over him so he could snuggle up into it. "Moony" Remus herd just as he was about to doze off to sleep.

"Padfoot?" He questioned looking at the handsome slightly broken boy "Padfoot" he said sliding off the chair and planting a very hot passionate kiss onto his lips "never scare me like this again" he said kissing him again then pushing his hair out of his eyes and kissing him on the cheek.

"Maybe I should get put in a position like this all the time if this is how you great me when I wake up, I could get use to this" Sirius laughed a bit then groaned from the pain it caused him. James quickly woke up from the noise talking to the boys for a few seconds then going to wake up the teachers and madam Pompfree. "Don't you ever say that again Sirius I never want to see you like this ever again" he said angrily then slumped down into his arm chair and berried his face into his hands,

"I'm so sorry saying you didn't understand now I know you defiantly understand... oh padfoot why did you do it.. Why didn't you just come talk to me did you really feel so helpless and upset that you had to do this?"

"Moony I have always felt this way... but that doesn't mean I don't love you... I will always love you" Sirius smiled stroking Remus' cheek. Everyone came and stayed for thirty minutes to an hour and then went back to sleep all itching to know what really happened to that poor boy. James drifted off to sleep after an hour of talking to the two other marauders and Remus fell asleep with Sirius on the bed rapped in each other's arms. Sirius made a full recovery and the marauders thought they were finally disaster free; but what they didn't know was that there was worse to come.

**Hope you enjoyed... all the usual stuff and sneek peak of next chapter is hear!**

**Chapter 10 ** **Stay Strong**

**"Boys what are you doing in hear?" McGonagall asked walking into the kitchens **

**"well Dumbledore told me where the kitchens where so I could come here after the full moons and then he told Sirius he could come in here whenever he likes and how could we not take advantage of that I mean he is better than the elf's" Remus said sat at the small breakfast bar that McGonagall sat next to him and raised an eyebrow in confusion. Suddenly there was a very loud banging noise "what the hell is he doing?" she asked when Sirius walked over with a bag of crushed chocolate digestive biscuits. **

**"oh hello professor-accio" Sirius smiled as 5 small round cake tins came flying forward and landed on the counter in front of him along with two glass bowls a wooden spoon some chocolate and some cherries "okay I think I have everything" he said looking at everything placed in a neat line "right so Calor Aguamenti" Sirius said pointing his wand at one of the bowls producing boiling water then he braked up the chocolate and placed it in the other bowl and placed that one in the boiling water "right so now while the water melts we put the, accio, broken bisect into this bowl and the cherries and mix it together and now place the chocolate into the bisect like so" he said picking up the bowl from the boiling water and placing half of it in the bisect peaces and mixing it all together "okay now if I just put some of this in each of these tins and put the rest of the melted chocolate on top and now curates and there we go" Sirius grinned at the now frozen chocolate desserts. he summed 5 plates and a small cake box and placed them each on a plate and one in a box what he then tied to an owl with a note "there you go Minnie I hope you like it my special chocolate Tiffin" he grinned **

**"oh my word Sirius this is amazing but if I was you I would put the glasses away" James said eating the Tiffin and realising that peter had already davowered his. **

**"yeah ill put the fire whisky in my bag" Sirius said louder then intended **

**"I won't tell if you don't" McGonagall said getting up and grabbing a bottle of wine "nice Tiffin by the way" she grinned as Sirius started pouring whisky then went and sat on Remus' knee handing him one of the wooden spoons to eat the mixture off.**


End file.
